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I discovered the other day that the collective noun for skunks is a surfeit. This surprised me at two levels. The first level was that I hadn’t heard the word ‘surfeit’ used in anger since the revelation that King John died of a surfeit of lampreys. What actually happened was he had 18 pints of mead, got the munchies, popped down to the local Lamprey’u’Like, and had three QuarterpounderLampreyMcSpecial Heartbusterburgers with extra fried mangolds, went large for a groat, and choked on his own vomit. Of course the Government of the day slapped a D Notice on this, some Plantagenet spin doctor coined the phrase ‘a surfeit of lampreys’, and history got retold.
The second level of wonderment was caused by the realisation that nobody else thinks that one skunk is more than enough; to use the term ‘surfeit’ for more than one is oxymoronic. I was once in a car in deepest Utah when we hit a skunk, and the resultant stench was so nauseating, so pervasive, and so persistent we had no option but to leave the offending vehicle in the parking lot outside the local 2Lazee2 line dancing club until some drunken redneck called Duane thieved it to drive home, failed to negotiate the turn into the trailer park, hit some propane tanks, and incinerated an area the size of a couple of city blocks.
So a surfeit of skunks is wrong. What else do we know?
A pride of lions
A pride of lions? A pride of lionesses maybe. They do all the hunting, bring in all the food, look after the extended families of offspring, and, for all I know, moan that the ceiling of the den needs painting and that tap’s been dripping for months.
Lions, on the other hand, have one claim to fame. They somehow conned people into naming them ‘kings of the jungle’, when in fact they live on the plains of the African savannah and the nearest they come to a jungle is the local Masai maize plantation. Apart from that they do naff all except loll around in the shade, get fed by their womenfolk, scratch their genitals, and look for all the world as if getting ready for another hard afternoon drinking beer and watching ProCelebrity wrestling on the television. Duane’s role model.
A murder of crows
Somewhat over the top unless you’re Tippi Hedron in The Birds, or Patrick Troughton in The Omen. Or were they ravens? Anyway, you don’t need a collective noun for crows. They’re solitary by nature. In Norfolk they say, ‘If you see a lot of crows, they’re probably rooks. If you see a rook on its own, it’s a crow.’ That’s Norfolk for you.
A sleuth of bears
Bears aren’t good detectives, even if Frank Cannon outweighed a grizzly and Andy Dalziel looks like one. No bear ever gave an ursine Dr Watson a hard time by saying, ‘Obviously we’re looking for a one legged limeburner from Solihull.’ Bears have two verbal expressions: ‘Hmm, let’s eat it,’ and ‘Hmm, I’ve been shot’. That’s it.
A dissimulation of birds
Not notorious liars, birds, unless you count peacocks, where all that showing off tells the peahens all they need to know about how well the males are endowed.
A rabble of butterflies
Butterflies are unlikely to strike fear into the hearts of old ladies in a town centre.
A horde of guinea pigs/gerbils
See ‘Rabble of butterflies’ above
But sometimes the language gets it right.
A business of ferrets
Ferrets are like estate agents; they’re sleek and voracious, even if they tend to be a bit more malodorous, at least in general. Also, once a ferret gets its teeth locked onto something it won’t let go for love nor money. ‘Business’ sounds right, except an estate agent will let go when the money appears.
A coalition of cheetahs
Odd one this since cheetahs are solitary hunters. Not to be trusted of course. In business a coalition is called a ‘cartel’, and look what Dallas’s cartel, headed by JR, did to Cliff Barnes. Cliff was the Texas equivalent of an antelope.
A gang of bison
Well hard. They’re thick but tough, just like a Millwall supporter. If one of those bulky ruminants ever calls out to you ‘Come on down if you think you’re hard enough’, don’t even think about it.
One interesting anomaly exists. There is no collective noun for koala bears. That’s because they’re so laid back they haven’t got the energy to form a protest group demanding their right to be known as a ‘cuddle’.
ophelia said:
I think my favourite is an ‘unkindness’ of ravens, though it seems a little unfair
nobodysreadingme said:
Indeed it is unkind
Hello. are you new to my blog? If so, welcome to the madhouse.
If you’ve been here before, you know it’s a madhouse, so you’ve just been re-admitted. Play nicely with the other inmates
🙂
ophelia said:
I’m reading you btw. Do you get sick of people saying that?
nobodysreadingme said:
Sick of what? Reading? Hell no, as long as you turn up, take the thorazine, and read I’m a happy bunny
Alastair said:
Pass the dosulepin I have run out.
I think that it should be an “apathy of Koalas” a “suicide of lemmings” I do like the gang of bison. Although if one was more intelligent, do you think he would say “perambulate in this direction if you think you are of sturdy enough stature”
nobodysreadingme said:
Not bad. I like an apathy of koalas.
And the ‘Perambulate…’ thing is really funny if you imagine Peter Ustinov saying it
Alastair said:
😀
JasmineKyleSings said:
We just had a discussion about the expression king of the jungle
nobodysreadingme said:
We did? I don’t remember that…
JasmineKyleSings said:
Lol no me and my kids!
nobodysreadingme said:
Aaah, OK. Had me worried there I was losing my memory.
And you are?
JasmineKyleSings said:
Lol jasmine your crazy American friend!
nobodysreadingme said:
Aaah yes, it’s all come flooding back. You like dogs, yes?
JasmineKyleSings said:
I adore dogs! And CATS
nobodysreadingme said:
Cats, yes, now I recollect. Fluffy kitens.
Yrs
Mr Pink
JasmineKyleSings said:
Mr. Pink
As you correctly recall I am your nemesis from WI!
Mrs. White
nobodysreadingme said:
I thought I got shot in Reservoir Dogs?
JasmineKyleSings said:
Lol miracle time machine!
nobodysreadingme said:
Kevlar. Dontcha just love it?
Lola said:
A ‘murder’ of crows? Really? Wow, that sounds mean toward the crows. Unless you are an earthworm, maybe. Poor crows.
Haha, and I really laughed at the lion one. Maybe it’s called a pride of lions because the lions are quite proud of how they managed to shove kids and kitchen to the lionesses in favor of snoozing and scratching their lion bits, while making the whole world think THEY are who’s so amazing. 😉
nobodysreadingme said:
Yep a murder is right
Lola said:
Wow. I never knew. Dangrous crows.
nobodysreadingme said:
Yeah and they leave their feet all round your eyes when you get to my age
You said you like silly jokes. Here’s one
A man walked into a bar.
‘Damn,’ he said, ‘that hurt.’
Lola said:
Hahaha! I literally laughed out loud. That’s just my kind of joke. I’m easily amused, I suppose. Speaking of which, why was the math book sad?
nobodysreadingme said:
OK I give in
Lola said:
It had too many problems.
Lame, eh? 😉
nobodysreadingme said:
LOL
Here’s another.
A skeleton walks into a bar.
‘What can I get you?’ asks the barman
‘I’ll have a beer, please.’
”Coming right up. anything else?’
‘Yeah, a mop.’
Lola said:
Hehehe! Silly! I love it!
(And sorry for the delay. My life, or rather my room, got in the way, but it ended up being in a good way, at least. So good that I just posted about it, even. 😉 )
nobodysreadingme said:
I’ll go over and have a look at your post right now
Lola said:
Coolio! 🙂
julespaige said:
Had me laughing to tears. There is a wonderful illustrated children’s that names groups of things. I think it is called ” A Cache of Pearls”. Though I don’t think it explains why they are called such.
Like a pod of Whales…along with your rambles I think of peas in a pod so how can a huge whale fit in a pod?
But then since or especially because my hubby is an electrical engineer I adore this:
(going along with your skunk theme…was that your previous post…)
“P U is two thirds of a pun”.
Pass the mop…I think I leaked.
nobodysreadingme said:
No point asking me what my last post was. The only way i can remember is to go and read my blog.
🙂
A Cache of Pearls. I’ll keep a look out for that
julespaige said:
Well it wasn’t the previous post it was the beginning of the same one (this one about the skunks) I was reading. I just well, got involved with the comments and forgot where I was… Age does that. Oh, I call my facial ‘crows feet’ – “Laugh lines.”
I do that to. Once I post it – it’s gone…when someone comments on something I’ve written I have to go back to see what they are talking about. Maybe I just write too much? But I’m having sooo much fun.
nobodysreadingme said:
I’m sure I do, but it is too much fun to stop, and as long as people continue to read I’ll carry on posting.
You have only yourself to blame
nobodysreadingme said:
Oh yeah I give all my crow’s feet names. I’m halfway through the book ‘Baby’s Names 2013. Over 7000…’
realityenchanted said:
Interesting!!! Thanks for the info. So, what would we call sloths then?
“Welcome Ophelia” says the monkey.
nobodysreadingme said:
http://all-sorts.org/nouns/sloths
Sorry the Ophelia gag went straight over my head
realityenchanted said:
Thanks for the link. Informative as amusing.
qwietpleez said:
Love this post 🙂
nobodysreadingme said:
😀
julespaige said:
Here’s the the whole list from that book: Ounce, Dice, Thrice
(Oh the bears, maybe they sleuth for honey?)
A booing of buffaloes
A dule of doves
An exaltation of larks
A nye of pheasants
A pioling of pelicans
A skein of geese (I actually heard of that one)
A skulk of foxes
A smother of spiders
A snuttering of monkeys
a Trembling of gold fish…