Tags
Aliens, horror films, robots, scary films, supernatural, vampires, zombies
If you’re one of those crashing bores who claim never to have been scared by a film, you have just gone down markedly in my estimation. Your lack of imagination and willingness to suspend belief for a couple of hours are not attributes to be particularly proud of. For the purposes of argument here, I am going to assume that you’ve come close to a heart attack watching some cinematic knuckle whitener. I know I have.
Scariest film of all time? It’s a matter of personal preference of course, but I know where my money’s going. I’m going to work up to it though, or I’ll never hit 600 words.
Scary films split broadly into two categories. No, hang on, three. The first is the simple ‘bad people doing bad things to other people’ genre. Lots of good contenders here. Deliverance, Badlands, Race with the Devil, the torture scene in Pulp Fiction, The Hitcher (the original Rutger Hauer one, not the hopelessly inept later remake), The Vanishing (again the original, not the fairly recent remake.) They can get your armpits moist.
There’s a sub-category. Good people driven to the edge of reason and doing bad things in the name of good, to protect themselves or loved ones. Straw Dogs scares me badly, not because of the Peckinpah violence and bloodshed, but because of the way Dustin Hoffman’s meek and mild college professor goes utterly mental. It’s a very scary transition, all the more so because I find myself thinking, ‘Yeah. Hell yeah, I could do that.’ Falling Down fits in here too.
Then we have the supernatural terrors. I’m just a bit cynical about these, because I don’t believe in ghosts or any deity, but some are very scary indeed. The Exorcist rattled my cage. Don’t Look Now. Candyman. Oh my goodness. I’ve tried to stand in front of a mirror and say ‘Candyman’ three times in a row, and know what? I can’t do it. Silly but true. The ending of Carrie still makes me jump, even though I know the arm’s going to pop out of the grave. Eeeeeeekkk!
I think, for the sake of simplicity, I’ll include vampires and zombies here, and quite frankly I’ve yet to see any film that features the undead that has made me do anything but chuckle. You may disagree. Good. Let’s get a discussion going here.
As an aside, an update on my zombie post. A blogger who seems to know about these things reliably informs me that the only certain way of killing a zombie is to destroy its brain. If you have a gun, this will simply require a headshot. If you’re a bit squeamish about brain splatter, you can enlist my friend Victoria Wright to help you out. She’s a dab hand at blowing people’s heads off. Miss Whiplash and Ellie Hendren are hard as nails too, so they’d probably use their bare hands.
Back to the business in hand. Lastly we have the non-human agents genre. The scenes in the factory at the end of Terminator are very tense indeed. When Tom Skerrit goes exploring the air ducts in Alien, armed only with a jury rigged flamethrower, I start hyperventilating. Aliens is also a two hour sweatfest, and Aliens3 deserves a mention, even though things are beginning to get a bit tired by this point. I even like John Carpenter’s The Thing, which is kind of Alien On Ice. The remake, obeying the general but not invariable rule of remakes, is total garbage. Don’t bother.
So, three genres. Bad people. Supernatural goings on. Non-human entities. Yet I have to tell you the scariest film of all time doesn’t fit into any of these, because at the end you genuinely do not know what’s been going on. It’s only about 90 minutes long and was shot on a budget of about ten quid.
When I went to see The Blair Witch Project, I was prepared to be disappointed. All the internet hype (clever marketing by the way) couldn’t really be justified, surely? How wrong I was, and my admitting I’m wrong is a moment for you to treasure. Nothing had prepared me for the sheer bowel loosening terror this film evoked in me. I don’t know if you’ve ever scared yourself very badly; a close call when you’ve been driving, perhaps. If you have, then you know the smell of fear. It’s very real and immediately recognisable. I came out of the cinema absolutely honking. As did my wife. We both had to go home, shower, and get a skin-out change of clothes. I was petrified by that film. If you’ve never seen it, I suggest you correct that situation as promptly as possible.
So there’s my twopennorth. Any other nominations?
Alastair said:
I like the way that Prince of Darkness finishes. That makes me jump. The new The Thing isn’t a remake, it’s a prequel explaining the story from the Norwegians side. I like it. The original was also one of the the first horror films I had seen.- well not the original original but the newer original. The original original was in 1953 or something. I tried for years to find a film that would scare me. The Prince of Darkness made me jump, but the one that did terrify me (it wouldn’t now because hypnotism – or a thought altering system changed my thoughts) was Arachnophobia. I was arachnophobic at the time so anything to do with spiders would freak me out.
nobodysreadingme said:
At least your fear was partly rational. Spiders do genuinely exist. Did you know that there’s a theory that because so many people are scared of spiders they may be of an extraterrestrial origin? Interesting thought, if a bit mad scientist.
Alastair said:
I love that idea. But there again, there’s always Eight Legged Freaks that explains that 😉 It was actually Paul McKenna on GMTV that helped me get over the fear. I went from freaking when I saw them, to picking them up in my hands. I do still have problems with the bigger ones.
nobodysreadingme said:
Factoid. about one person in 2,000,000 in the UK gets bitten by a native spider every year. Pretty small odds, yes? I’ve been bitten twice. Bleeding typical.
8)
Alastair said:
Bloody hell, they like you. I’d best not tell my daughter about that. The spiders biting, not that they like you. 😉 She freaks even at a picture of a spider.
nobodysreadingme said:
It has its upside. I can stop runaway subway trains.
Alastair said:
And swing from building to building
nobodysreadingme said:
Especially on the way home from the pub…
Alastair said:
Ahh is that where you stop the ground from moving with your face?
nobodysreadingme said:
no, the devil looks after his own. the last time I fell in a ditch I was stone cold sber but my knee gave way.
Alastair said:
Which was before the spider had it’s wicked way with your nervous system I take it.
nobodysreadingme said:
Couldn’t say.I know when you get bitten it does smart a bit. Not as bad as a wasp sting, but a bit worse than an ant bite.
Alastair said:
I remember when I was working in a butchers. I went to pick up a shovel to scrape up the sawdust and gunk and felt something in my finger that hurt like hell, the kind of hurt that starts with a cold feeling at the back of your head and goes all the way down. Turned out there was a wasp on it
nobodysreadingme said:
Good description of a wasp sting. Well done. ever thought of writing poetry?
Alastair said:
haha
Trent Lewin said:
Alastair’s got it right, Prince of Darkness is a John Carpenter piece of genius that is genuinely creepy – that last scene with the mirror, holy crow… Agreed on Alien, though it’s Tom Skerrit not Kristofferson that plays Dallas. Jaws. The Grudge. Exorcist director’s cut (kid walking backwards down stairs totally creeped me out). Blair Witch, good call – fair bit of genius in that movie. Drag Me to Hell made me laugh and shudder, so did Cabin in the Woods. The Omen – frightening stuff, erie music, plus Patrick Troughton!
nobodysreadingme said:
Tom Skerrit indeed. I bow my head in shame. Mea maxima culpa. I’m usually shit hot on this stuff.
Worst film of all time, which tried to combine supernatural and scifi, Event Horizon. What a turkey that was.
Trent Lewin said:
Yeah I didn’t like Event Horizon, Mr. Fishburne aside. Oh, have you seen Sunshine? It tries to combine as well, but did much better at it. Danny Boyle is pretty cool. The Hills Have Yes remake was pretty good – scary. Oh, and Halloween, the original. Great great great. I know it’s a slasher flick but holy Michael Myers, that is one scary dude. And I genuinely liked the first half of Jeepers Creepers; they lost it in the second half.
nobodysreadingme said:
Halloween? Oh yes. Oh yes. I like a good slasher flick, and that’s a gem.
I also liked Wes Craven’s Scream. I know it was a parody, and so referential it nearly turned itself inside out, but it’s still genuinely scary.
The first Nightmare on Elm Street, where the heroine falls asleep in the bath. Blimey, hand me the bog roll.
Trent Lewin said:
Hand me the bog roll? Is that also a horror movie? It sounds like one.
nobodysreadingme said:
Merely expressing my opinion that I was in danger of soiling my underwear.
Al said:
When I went to Leicester to see some friends, I went to the cinema whilst I was waiting for them. I had the choice of watching one of the Transformers films in the deluxe screen or watching Drag Me to Hell. I decided on the latter as I wanted a good scare. I found it pathetic and would give it a 2/10 which is still fifteen points higher than I would give The Devil Inside (review):
Since this post, I have seen a couple of films that have made me cringe slightly, and I do have a couple of horror films in my blu-ray list that I still have yet to watch.
nobodysreadingme said:
Whenever I see that ‘Inspired by true events’ I leave whatever it is well alone.
Al said:
“Inspired by true events” – someone said they may have killed someone.
Now a blockbuster movie about a serial killer. Now, “Based on true events” is different.
Cookie D Mouse, Rambler said:
The Ring. My phone rang straigh after I finished watching it and for days I was expecting a petulant child resembling a drowned rat to crawl out half way through Come Dine With Me.
Re zombies, you’re not wrong there and I can whip up a rather tasty brain lasagne if I have to. I find the trick is to marinade overnight in a generous helping of anti vitals with a dash of Rioja, before boiling for a few hours and mincing and adding to your lasagne (incidentally, if you’re out of pasta boiled zombie skin can work just as well)
Cookie D Mouse, Rambler said:
Darn my fingers and HTC automatic word check/select! Anti virals, I meant anti virals
nobodysreadingme said:
Arf. Far be it from me to criticise others typing skills
I’ll bear the recipe in mind. I might even re-opne messingaboutinthekitchen.wordpress.com for a celebrity recipe slot.
😉
julespaige said:
Just can’t watch ’em anymore. Now they’ve got prequel thingy going for the guy in Psyco. I don’t care how ‘Norman’ got the way he did. While some movies you know it’s all good fake stuff…well the screaming can still get to you. I think the older films are just a tad scarier like Vertigo or The Birds. Hitchcock was a master. Still is.
nobodysreadingme said:
Have to disagree about Hitchcock The Birds was good, Psycho was OK, but much of the rest of his output irritates me. I know that amount to sacrilege in cinematic circles.
😉
Freaky Folk Tales said:
For me it will always be themes of folk horror, stories of death foretold and children’s supernatural TV drama. So, in no particular order: Roeg’s Don’t Look Now (the Du Maurier book being wonderful too), Wicker Man, The Signal Man (BBC TV adaptation), The Children of the Stones, a number of portmanteau movies including Ealing Studio’s Dead of Night (1945), the BBC adaptation of Susan Hill’s Woman in Black (1989) – definitely not the recent film!, Quatermass and the Pit and nearly all of the BBC’s Ghost Stories for Christmas, including the deliciously chilling Whistle and I’ll Come To You.
A great article, and thoroughly fun to respond to! Regards, Paul
nobodysreadingme said:
Glad you enjoyed it. I’m with you on The Wicker Man. The best thing about a post like this is that lots of people partly agree, some disagree, and everyone is convinced they’re right.
Oh, and Don’t Look Now? That spooked me badly, not the supernatural overtones but the denouement. Shortly after I saw this my girlfriend jumped at me unawares, and went ‘Boo!’ she was wearing red. My knees gave way; I literally fell to the floor with fright. she swore it wasn’t deliberate…
Nice to have you on board as a follower. Enjoy the ride and keep your arms inside the car. I’ll nip over and see what your blog’s up to as soon as i’ve cleared my emails and stuff.
Dunk
🙂
Freaky Folk Tales said:
Yes, the finale is one of the finest; and the way Roeg ties up all the portents of a death foretold is quite incredible.
Will continue to enjoy your posts, with my head low and seatbelt fastened. Cheers, Paul
reocochran said:
I get scared easily so my choices would be pretty lame. I did find ones about the devil fascinating, like The Omen. I hate it though when they use children since I worry about their psyche. I was very scared Don’t Look Now. When my kids were teens they liked those I know what you did last summer and they made me jump. I like psychological ones like the Leonardo Di Caprio Island one, forget the other part of the title.
I wrote on this to tell you I loved a movie that had so many Brits in it, that is NOT scary or psychological but sweet and brilliant, Dustin Hoffman directed, “The Quartet.” It has Maggie Smith and so many musicians at an aged home for musicians that at the end, while the credits rolled, they tell where each actor/actress performed. I was looking on your blog and found cinema and added this, you can edit it out if you wish. Wanted to say that I told my Mom who watched it and cried, she loved the Rigoletto music, that I write a blog and some of the Brits follow me!
nobodysreadingme said:
I don’t know that film, but it sounds well worth a look
BTW Leo was in Shutter Island. Very disorientating