Title: Assassin

Artiste: Victoria Wright

Genre: Gangsta rap

Victoria is one of the most charming people I have ever met. Her daughter, Imogen, is a delight. I have never met her partner Colin.

I set myself the challenge of writing a rap/hiphop song about her as a murderous hitwoman. Don’t ask why. I just did. It seemed a good idea at the time, OK? It’s a long story. Anyways up, here it is. The scansion is rubbish, but it’s never held Eminem or Bomb The Bass back, now has it?

Colin ma homeboy thinks

Ah’m a angel from heaven

He ain’t never sin me

With a AK47


Imogen she just loves me

That really makes me happy, but

Wonder what she’d think

When I just took a head shot?


Don’t hate no one

But don’t ask fo’ no favahs

Gotta gun in ma hand

I rilly like the flavah


Get money fo’ what I do

It all pays the rent

Cash forra paddlin’ pool

Dat’s money well spent.


If I can’t use a gun

Hafta rely on myself

Leave the mark’s head

Sittin’ on his bookshelf


Gettin’ rid o’ the bodies

That’s really easy

Tellya what, though

No time ta get queasy


I like ma guns

No two ways ‘bout it

No gun ya say?

I can do without it


Ya wannem dead

I’m the gal to do it

The others had morals

An’ that’s why they blew it

I gotta go now

Got some cakes ter bake

Maybe a loaf or two

While a’m on the make.

Need I go on? I don’t think so.