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Here is the original prompt for this little saga. http://tipsylit.com/2014/01/20/prompted-age-is-meaningless/


mad woman‘You frigid cow!’ In retrospect I can see that was not a ploy likely to improve my chances.

‘I’m not frigid, you selfish bastard! I just don’t feel like it.’

I could hardly believe what I was hearing. I’d reckoned I was on a promise, a definite shag. How could it go wrong? Hundreds, thousands of us raving in a field down by the river, everybody pairing up and slipping off into the nearby woods. I mean, I had to get my leg over, surely? Everybody else was.

I saw her very early on. Bloody gorgeous. Stunning. Long slender legs all the way up to her, well, you know, her… Really big eyes, so dark they were nearly black, yet they sparkled and flashed like diamonds. And what dancer! Jesus, she could move, like she was floating on air. Fantastic. So good looking, so sexy. She even smelled sexy, not perfume, just her.

We danced all night, together, just the two of us, oblivious to all the others. I reckoned I was in like Flynn here. Bloody hell, I was so excited I thought I might not even get as far as the sex itself. And as it happened, I didn’t get as far as the sex. Christ, what a letdown. Really. Bloody woman. I despair.

‘It’s getting late. Let’s go into the woods,’ I said.

‘No. Definitely not. No way. I’m not interested.’

‘Oh come on. You’ve been with me all sodding evening. You must fancy a shag.’

‘I have a headache.’

‘Oh for Christ’s sake, you know you want it. You can’t have a bloody headache!’

‘Well I have. So just shut up about it.’

Hence the argument about whether or not she was a frigid cow, which I have to say didn’t advance  my case much at all, as you may well imagine. I decided a change of direction was in order.

‘Oh come on, please? Pretty please? I’m so horny I don’t know what to do with myself. Please???’ I wheedled.

‘Oh for god’s sake, don’t beg. That’s really pathetic.’

‘Listen, you can’t have a headache. Not tonight. Bloody hell, you’re a bloody mayfly! You can’t have a headache tonight!’

She folded all six of her gorgeous legs defensively across her thorax. ‘Well I have, so deal with it. You’ll just have to die wondering. At least you won’t have long to regret it.’