These are becoming increasingly disturbing as I work down the list and find those that have only appeared once. I’m glad these people don’t know where I live.

Please note that the somewhat idiosyncratic spellings are correct, straight from the horses’ mouths. Weird and illiterate is a worryng combination.

  1. knife covered with bllod. I assume this is related to its neighbour from two doors down, killing people knife with blood on it
  2. tapping a crocodile with a stick. I know what post this one ended up on. That’s mildly reassuring.
  3. dead woodchuck killed on road. This has to have led to the post about the bar in the US where a disgruntled customer, refused service, hurled a roadkill woodchuck through the door.
  4. phrase ‘dolt a tut’ I really have no idea what this means, or where the enquirer ended up on this blog.
  5. cats wearing kilts Bit of an odd one that, though since I tend to tag posts with the word ‘cats,’ and I did post about why I’ve never worn a kilt, I can sort of see what happened.
  6. cindy knoke+porn. A real poser this one. Cindy is one of my oldest followers, and a model of probity as far as I can tell from her spectacular photoblog, . A mystery.
  7. retacado slang What? What did you say?
  8. just an honest man-in a leather mask an electric eel in the dead of night swimming out of alcatraz I’m not often lost for words, but this one has me floundering.
  9. how to train someone on somethin in 15 minutes Pray tell. I’m interested.
  10. blown follower and two boyfriends I have to say this one intrigues me. I’d love to know what it was attempting to find.
  11. is eweeee a nonword? Yes, it is. Next please.
  12. how to write a short funny poem about buying or wearing a kilt It’s not clear if this has anything to do with the earlier enquiry about feline kilters, but it might not be unrelated.
  13. wallpaper attila tip bloger index hr Any suggestions, apart from the obvious one that the writer was on some really really good acid.
  14. satanic girls of glamis Glamis is a pleasant if rather quiet village in the east of Scotland between Dundee and Forfar, not very far from Kirriemuir, home town to J M Barrie of Peter Pan fame. Hard to imagine devil worship going on there, but perhaps the enquirer had insider knowledge.
  15. brothel portuguese charities I can’t help feeling this query was not all based on altruistic motives. What do you think?
  16. wattpad the sex goddess I think this may have been about my novel Charlie and Me, but I’m not entirely sure
  17. abdul hodder hulme Now I know where this is coming from. Hulme was my old grammar school, and Mr Hodder, aka Abdul, did feature in a bit of my memoir. He taught Chemistry if you’re interested.
  18. ikebana brakes I know I mentioned ikebana once, but not in the context of brakes. I don’t think so anyway.
  19. longitude ‘you stupid stupid man!’ Where does this person get off? A few stops before the end of the line I’d say.
  20. baggy bowel chromosome I wonder if this is the same person enquiring about ‘bloody stools guinness?’