Believe it or not, it’s a year to the day since this piece hit the newsstands. And believe it or not it’s my most read post of all time, after Home/Archives, and About Strange but true.
*****
The clear pellucid waters of Facebook are often sullied by the flotsam of memes. Since I’m very selective about my Friends, all of whom have impeccably good taste, I’m rarely bothered by the sheer amount of garbage that drifts and swirls in the murky eddies, but I occasionally take a punt out and navigate the more polluted stretches of sluggish effluent.
Memes are a particularly common form of pollution. Most of the ones I find in my research are saccharin in the extreme, homespun philosophy of the lowest order. Truly terrible.
My Friends however do come up with some real gems. One drifted into my account on Saturday, and made me laugh out loud. The basic premise was this. Take the sentence ‘I saw a flower,’ and render it in various musical genres. It was riotously funny
Now me being me, I couldn’t leave well alone. So I had a go at some different genres. Just for fun. Here are some I came up with.
Madrigal
A flower a flower,
Tra la la la la la laa
Opera
HO visto un FIORE
e gettavo fuori le mura del CASTELLO
(This translates roughly as ‘I saw a flower and threw myself off the castle walls’)
Gilbert and Sullivan
I am the very model of a modern floriculturalist
Rap
I gotta bitch
Her name is Flower
Gonna make her sweat
An beg for mower.
My love gun’s loaded likea
AK47
Gonna finger Flower’s trigger
That’ll send her to heaven
Reggae
No flower no cry
No flower no cry
In Babylon
Religious nutjob (of any persuasion)
I saw a flower.
Beautiful isn’t it?
It didn’t happen by chance
God exists
How much more proof do you need?
Techno
I saw a flower
Flowerewolflowerewolflowerewolflowerewolf
I saw a flower
Gregorian chant This is a bit tricky since you have to imagine it as a part song
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Sawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Flowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Prog rock
I saw a flower
It’s really amazing
Like the entire universe
All just, like, there
You know?
Blues
Weellllll
I woke up this mawninnnnnn
My woman done gone
With the florist
An’ my dawg died too
Ramones
I juss wanna sniff some glue
That is all I wanna do
‘Cut! Joey, that’s the wrong song.’
‘Ooops. Sorry. ONE TWO TREE FAW….’
We’re a happy family we’re a happy family
‘Cut. Joey, it ain’t at one either.’
‘Ooops. OK, ONE TWO TREE FAW’
Sheena is
A punk rocker
Sheena is
A punk rocker
Sheena is
A punk rocker noowwwwwww
‘Cut! Joey….’
Gospel. Please feel free to clap along to this one
Brotherly!
Brotherly!
Brotherly!
FLOWER!
Oi. In case you aren’t familiar with this it’s much favoured by skinheads and members of the British National Party
I saw a flower
F****** stamped its f****** head in
Din’ I?
I f******* hate pansies
nobodysreadingme 
Oh I laughed so much at that! Rap was my favourite, no maybe Reggae? No actually the Gregorian Chant, or maybe I just equally loved them ALL! Thank you for bringing those flowers into my day. Next time someone gives me flowers I will thank them in every genre.
Glad you likedit. As I say, a bit of a suprise, this one. I thought it was funny, but nothing out of the ordinary, and still it makes fans.
Ha! It is out of the ordinary. It is really funny. I’m glad I stopped by here today. I’d had a crappy day. You made me laugh. That is no small thing.
Then our work here is done, Tonto. Hiho Silver awaaaaaaaaaayyyy!
Yay!
You might have a career in driving trucks. Call Driver’s Training Institute today!! Reserve your seat behind the wheel of a Big Rig!. Actually it was very good. Kudos. Well done. Especially liked the Gregorian Chant–though there were many gems. >KB
I’m really pleased I resurrected this, since it seems to have lost none of its appeal. My fave was the Opera, but I’m just glad people still think this is funny. Thanks.
I think you’re going to have to change your blog title, Duncan.
Your work is exceptional.
Gosh, thanks Hook my friend.
Ahhh, Duncan. True to form, you are. Thanks so much for a much needed giggle. 😉
This is one of the ‘how did that happen?’ blogposts. It developed a life of its own.
NRM,
You should dust this off every year just before Valentine’s . . . fucking florists.
RR
You’re such a cynic, aren’t you?
Weren’t you saying how charming my innocence was a while back?
No I don’t think I was.
😉