This is an absolutely brilliant one, and unusually doesn’t come from the Daily Mail or Daily Express,  the twin bastions of scientific integrity in the UK media. I picked this up from, of all places, ABC News in the US, and it’s quite the most stupid spurious bit of nonsense I have heard all year. You may want to sit down before you fall down laughing, because this really is ludicrous.

OK, here’s the deal. Apparently, ‘doctors’ in the US are ‘concerned’ about an merging abuse problem among teenagers. Of course, substance abuse is no laughing matter, but this issue is risible. Brace for impact, because here it comes. Teens are allegedly abusing lip balm. Yes, you read that right. They abusing lip balm. There’s one specific brand that they use to increase or prolong the effect of alcohol or marijuana. But here’s the crucial bit. They do this by putting this particular brand of lip balm on their eyelids.

What are ABC talking about? Have you ever heard such nonsense in all your puff? I can see the reason to get aerated about teens getting drunk or stoned, since those are reasons for concern. But lip balm? On their eyelids?

Doctors are also concerned at the dangers of irritation or ocular damage. Oh come on, be reasonable. The skin on the lips is a lot more delicate, hence the need for lip balm in the first place. The eyelids are relatively robust, and nobody gives a fig about the potential ‘health risks’ of normal facial moisturiser, now do they?

This whole issue would be laughable were it not that this appeared on a major broadcast news channel, watched nationwide in the US, and the story purported to be fact. I can only hope the audience is less gullible than the broadcaster seems to assume. I’d be be badly insulted at this if I were you.