I’m battling the benefit agencies at the moment, and given my mental state, it’s really tiring. So in the grand tradition, I decided to resurrect something from last year.
I think it is an interesting modern dilemma, and was truly surprised at the responses I got to the original post
*****
Somewhere in the ether the other day I stumbled upon somebody asking the following question. ‘Is it ever OK to dump someone by txt?’ I think you all know me well enough by now to realise I’m almost incapable of leaving well alone. Be reasonable, it’s irresistible, isn’t it? I mean, if you don’t want opinions, don’t ask, right?
I nailed my colours to the mast immediately. I’ll tell you at the end what my view was. No, I’ll tell you now. I said, unequivocally, ‘No.’ I hope that comes as no surprise to my loyal urban warrior collective. It’s simply wrong, isn’t it? Just to add a bit of fuel to the flames, because I’m a little tinker like that, I said it was not only ill mannered but cowardly, and hinted at lax morals. Then I sat back to watch the fun.
The discussion lit up like a particularly lively night on the Somme. This was looking good. As you may imagine, attitudes were extremely polarised. I like that. It gives you something to get your teeth into, doesn’t it? It’s not much fun when people sit on fences. But something very odd happened. I thought it was odd anyway.
The overwhelming opinion was that yes, it is OK. That’s disturbing enough. But here’s the real surprise. It was women who were saying yes. Every single one of the pro camp was a woman. Every single one. This had two effects. The first was that I was badly wrong footed. I expected better from members of the human race carrying two x chromosomes. I was clearly naïve here. Secondly, it put me at a huge numerical disadvantage, since for most of the ensuing firefight I was the only set of y chromosomes on the field of battle. Most of the rest were on R and R in a bar in Bangkok or somewhere equally disreputable. I was dodging incoming while they were watching some extraordinary things being done with ping pong balls and a banana.
That left me pretty much alone, firing my verbal M16 one handed while ripping the pins out of etiquette grenades with my teeth. I wasn’t going down without a scrap on this one. Then the Txt Cong made a ceasefire possible. I don’t know if this was a tactical error. I intercepted a message from the other side. ‘I didn’t have much option. He hadn’t been in contact for three weeks.’
That made me rather sad, I must admit, but did I accept the flag of truce? Well what do you think? Of course I didn’t. ‘I’m sorry that happened but you need to realise you didn’t dump him. He dumped you. Sending him a text simply as an act of revenge won’t change that.’ The firing increased in intensity to the level of carpet bombing.
Then my natural diplomacy (ahem) came into play, and I opened negotiations. ‘I’m surprised you even bothered responding to someone who acted so badly. You were well out of it.’
Things went All Quiet On The Western Front.
So come on, all my homies here. What do you think? Is it ever acceptable to dump by txt?
That’s because women are afraid of men and have no balls. They are strong in other ways but I think men are frigthening when backed into a corner of unpleasant feeling. >KB
I think you might be talking about “girls”, not “women”.
OK K A Brace, let’s hear you on this one. Great comment AZ Gringa
You love this, don’t you, Duncan. 🙂
Oh yes. Come on. Be realistic. What’s not to like when you spark off an internet row? It’s one of my favourite pastimes.
Oh, I’m not judging. Sometimes I see a good troll at work and I throw in just to keep things going. I don’t even feel bad.
A troll? Me? Not at all. I never insult people, I always create a rational argument. I’m definitely not a troll
Trolls intentionally incite people to argumentative discourse in their search for lulz. You may be a well-bred troll, but you’re still a troll.
We may have to agree to disagree here. And Ihave to be frank, I have no idea what lulz means.
Here you go, dahlink:
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/i-did-it-for-the-lulz
Seriously. You are a troll in the best sense. But still a troll. 😉
Trolls are deliberately offensive, ofttimes insulting, and nearly always anonymous. I am never offensive, I am never insulting, and I always expose my real persona.
I may irritate people, but that is not trolling. It’s called expressing an opinion.
I have never once posted anything that cannot be traced to me. If I believe in something, I tell people and they can then disagree with me. I may be contentious, but that is NOT trolling.
I never ever attack people at a personal level, I simply question their beliefs and arguments.
Encouraging discourse and discussion is not trolling. So please do not patronise me by using the words ‘in the best sense’ or we may fall out over it, and I’d rather not do that
Oh, Duncan! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. And I didn’t mean to insinuate that you did anything anonymously or with the intent to attack anyone personally. What I was trying to say was that you enjoyed the aspect in which people got heated about things. I personally think that it’s good for people to examine what, exactly, offends them about certain topics, It’s good to get into debates that don’t always feel safe or easy. It’s good to get to a place where you see things from the other side. Maybe I’m using the term in a way that’s just inappropriate? If so, I really am sorry.
Hey, I’m not upset, so let your heart rest easy. Honestly, I am not upset. To be honest I’m rather flattered to be accused of trolling
Maybe we both have different definitions, which is OK. Yes I do like to spark things off, encourage debate, and laugh like a drain when the lamebrains pitch in. It’s just so much fun to watch dimwits slugging it out
Exactly. This is what I had in mind.
*sigh* I will try to let my heart rest easy now. I rather like you and was feeling quite put out to think I might have truly offended you. Such was never my intention.
My shoulders are broad. I’ve been acused of worse in the past. Sit back, big breaths, and put a smile on your face.
Then have a really good day. Or as good as you can have..
And don’t worry about me. That’s my day job
😀
😀 All is well in the land of sand and cacti.
Well then that’s fine by me. And I have to say you make me smile
Reblogged this on The Mirror Obscura and commented:
Duncan has hit upon an outstanding elements of the present times that perhaps we should not be proud of. >KB
An interesting discussion (and entertaining read) and I totally agree with you, the answer should be an emphatic “NO dumping (by text)”…cowardice indeed!
There you go, we agree on something already
First….I let me just say NO it is ever ok to dump someone via text unless there are extenuating circumstances like abuse or stalking, but that is a whole other arguments. And second… I also agree with you that he had already dumped her. She just got in the last word! LOL! Under those conditions I might have done the same thing! But I wouldn’t have waited three weeks. What kind of a relationship do you have where that is ok? I would wager most of those gals who thought it was ok was under the age of 30! You’re going to have to come up with something pretty creative for me to agree it is EVER ok…..
And to respond to A.K….Some women (not me) probably are afraid of confronting men but we ARE strong in other ways. Trust me when I say we can be just as scary when backed into a corner and I guarantee it is not pleasant! But dumping someone via text is both childish and rude! I know plenty of men without said balls or their wife/girlfriend carries them around in their purse..ha ha! They would also be the ones who think it ok to dump via text….or worse by sticky note or even worse….on Facebook! So either grow up and tell someone how you feel face to face or shut the hell up!
If you want to meet woman with real cojones, Cortney, I would refer you to my fictional creation Charlie. She is brilliant at cutting men down to size.
And her boyfriend/lover/later husband Rick is about the only one who can keep her under control, just about.
http://www.wattpad.com/story/7477422-charlie-and-me-the-saga-continues
If you feel the need to text the guy after THREE WEEKS, then I’m sorry, but he won.
Perhaps it’s my age, but breakup via text IS (in my opinion) cowardly, rude, and childish. So there! :p
I rest my case, AZ Gringa
Dumping by text is out of line ASSUMING the other person isn’t being a douchebag and already breaking the social contract. They might not be as far out as an outright stalker but plenty of guys I’ve dated/had one-nighters with turned out to be guys that couldn’t take no for an answer even by text. Which was why I didn’t want to carry it on with them in the first place.
Also let’s remember the guys who I have seriously dated with whom it took at least three tries for them to get the message that I was breaking up with them. You do the polite thing of trying to let them down gently and frame it softly not to hurt their poor fee-fees and then they refuse to listen anyhow. So you leave the conversation/coffeeshop/other neutral territory and then realise they still haven’t *heard* you when you said it was over so you have to send a text/fb message to say so before blocking their number/profile etc. to protect yourself from further asshole behaviour.
I generally assume in cases where a guy’s bitching about how he got dumped by text that he probably deserved it. His attitude in talking about his ex is also often very enlightening.
So no, it’s not usually ill-mannered or cowardly – the person doing the dumping has almost certainly already tried and failed with the polite, mannerly methods. Therefore in stating categorically that it’s always wrong, you in fact are wrong. Like with the abortion debate, it would be nice if we lived in a world where such things weren’t necessary, but we don’t, so they are, so heaping guilt on the person in question wasn’t polite either and that’s why you found lots of women defending their ability to dump by text.
If you read the source story, you’ll find that the problem wasn’t stalking or persistence, he simply didn’t want to know, and the woman’s text was simply a way of getting the last word in.
If you have a psycho on your tail, then I agree, use any means you can to shoot them out of the sky.
But ditching somebody from a non-psycho, normal relationship by text is ill mannered, cowardly, and breaches all normal rules of decency.
And why drag in the abortion debate? I smell a red herring here.
Hmmm, well, in that story, yes I agree he dumped her by going in communicado but I can see how for the woman, having the last word and making it explicit by a form of media she knew he was likely to receive, would give her some sense of peace.
But I would also say that in this case, he had already broken the social contract and was being a douchebag. He was impolite first because blanking someone is itself impolite! Ergo, she was justified!
I stand by my answer as one to the question “is it ever okay to dump by text?” where there was no mention of extenuating circumstances or not, so you were setting yourself up for polarised answers (which is what you like doing, and fair play to that). So, I think we do actually agree in principle but I couldn’t resist responding to the less-than-careful way you phrased things. Ah well. 🙂
As for the abortion thing, it’s a good example of a necessary event, that nevertheless, we would prefer wasn’t necessary. But it is, so we deal with it accordingly.
I am not defending his actions in any way. But I repeat. In a normal, non-psycho relationship, dumping by text is indefensible. Remember the public outcry when Goldman Sachs fired people by text and email? It’s the same thing. It’s impolite, insensitive, and downright cowardly.
The phrasing was not mine, it came from the original post. Though I have to admit I do like provoking reactions. I don’t do it simply to annoy. I want people to think about what they do, how they react. I like annoying people. I got accused yesterday of being a troll, but that’s wrong. I never resort to anonimity, I never resort to personal insult, I just ask questions or state my case.
I still feel the introduction of the abortion argument was a cheap shot.
But let’s not fall out here. This is simply a vigorous debate we have going, and I think that’s healthy. We’re not mudslinging, we’re debating. I think that’s healthy
Agreed. Like I said, we agree in principle, (” In a normal, non-psycho relationship, dumping by text is indefensible.” = yes) but it bugged me that you gave no caveats, llisted no exceptions and then made a pronouncement, at least initially.
So, in summary arguing at cross-purposes for the win!
Seriously not trying to fall out here today. I may also admit that I’m using online debating as a means to practise standing up for my viewpopints where I have time to (attempt to) explain my reasoning. 🙂
OK we have to agree to disagree here.
I can conceive of no situation where it’s acceptable to dump by text, not one. If a relationship is toxic, it’s not going to make shred of difference, so don’t even bother; call the cops
If it’s a normal end of the road situation, have the courage to stand up and tell it how it is, either face to face or at worst by telephone. Be polite
And at this point I will stop poking my stick in Wallace’s ear
😀
Ugh fine. There are relationships that are toxic but not call the cops toxic where harsh measures may be needed but I’m going to smile sweetly and nod.
As I said we have to agree to disagree
😀
Indeed. On to other things then. 🙂
OK, yes.
😀