I’d forgotten this. Tuesday I got reminded.

I like ockers a great deal. People from Australia are funny and warm, so outgoing, so massively confident they know it all, you just have a sense of hubris. But you don’t want them to fail. You do want them to blunder on through life, get thumped a bit, hey! It is what it is. Nobody with any sense of decency wants an ocker to fail. Apart from Rupert Murdoch, and even then there’s a sense of wonderment  though absolute dislike.

Here’s how an ocker would describe a fight with a fellow Australian.

‘Strewth mate, he hit me fair on, mate. ..Christ , mate, he was like he was an elephant  on must. Fair play to him. Fair play. No f****** about. Straight in.’

It seems to me that ockers are the most combative people in the known universe. I myself eschew fighting, kiwis will join in reluctantly, but ockers are always up for it. Yet they are so bloody charming they annoy me into the threads of my skin. Punch it up, wipe it away…

‘Yeah, well mate, he hit me first, full on, there it was. I thumped him back, like you do. Hey! Supposed to do what? Let the f***** hit me again? No f****** way. I hit the twat.

‘Well, yeah, I lost, fair play, he f****** decked me mate. Just did. On the ground.  He looked down’

‘Hey mate. Wanna beer?

‘Sure thing mate.’

The Aussie way of doing things.

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