One measure here is how you react to films. Some films make real humans a bit sniffly. Short Circuit is one. Batteries Not Included; there’s another. Coccoon. The Railway Children. You would need a heart of stone not to fill up as Jenny Agutter runs down the platform yelling, ‘MY DADDY!’ Don’t like that scene? Be deeply ashamed.

The one film that defines you being human is, paradoxically, about a creature from another world. If you have never sobbed about ET, then you just got disqualified from the human race for shoving.

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