Become Jeremy Clarkson. If you live in the US you may not be aware of this guy, but if you ever watch Top Gear he’s the big gobby presenter. I like him, but he has had a bit of a chequered career. As well as doing the television show, Senor Clarkson writes a regular column in the Sunday Times. He’s often rude, scurrilous, and opinionated, but always hysterically funny. However, one Joe Anderson disagrees. You’ll likely not have heard of him, but he’s the mayor of Liverpool, and is a bit cross that the Clarkson column this week had some bad things to say about Liverpool. He has said that he will be raising the matter with the BBC.

A couple of things occur to me. Firstly, I think Mr Anderson has his head up his arse and should probably take a sense of humour refresher course. Of course there were rude remarks about Liverpool. It’s what the guy does. He goes somewhere and is rude about it. If you want to hear him being really rude, get him going on his home town of Doncaster. He’s excoriating about the place, and Doncastrians go, ‘That’s ma boy,’ and send him Christmas presents. Attack Liverpool and the mayor calls you an ‘oaf’ and a ‘buffoon.’ As it happens there’s a Liverpudlian goes in my pub, and he hates The Pool. If you want to hear a scathing commentary about the state of Oldham, where I was born, get in a conversation with my mate who was raised about two miles from where I was.

Mr Anderson might also want to reconsider his intention to raise the matter with the BBC. Since the comments appeared in a newspaper that is unconnected with the corporation, just why would he do that, and just what does he expect the execs at the Beeb to do about something over which they have no control. Seeing as how Mr Anderson started it, I feel justified in calling him names too. He’s a humourless dolt. Disappointingly and uncharacteristically Mr Clarkson didn’t tell Mr Anderson to take a long walk off a short pier, but claimed he’d been misrepresented. I don’t know what the world’s coming to.

There are some constants in life though. Two more politicians have been found taking bungs. One, Malcolm Rifkind, is a former Foreign Secretary and until Tuesday morning was Chairman of the Parliamentary Intelligence and Security Select Committee and a sitting MP, has fallen on his sword and resigned after being suspended by the party. Strangely he was in cahoots with Jack Straw, also an MP and also a former Foreign Secretary, who has also had the whip removed. Strangely? Well he’s a leading light in the Labour party. He’s been suspended too.

Jolly good.