Dr Morgaine Gaye fits neatly into this category. She has a wicked haircut, if the Independent on Sunday is to be believed, and I have no reason to doubt them. A real corker. But she simply does not have a proper job.

She is a self-styled food futurologist. What? There’s a whole new world here, and she invented it. It’s a job title grabbed from the air, isn’t it? I see where she’s coming from, but really that is a bad way to end up. Anyway, she’s been banging on at FutureFest about how the world of confectionery is going to have to change in the coming years. Demand for cocoa and hence chocolate will increase, water supplies will become increasingly smaller and polluted, all the usual post-apocalypse posturing. She may well be right, but I suspect that when people are starving and dying of thirst the last thing on their minds will be that they don’t have any sweeties or choccie to console themselves. Dr Gaye is inventing a role for herself. Good for her. I like a bit of initiative. However…. As per usual I have a caveat.

Dr Gaye’s PhD was not gained in food technology, so I am a bit dubious about her qualifications to pontificate. Her doctorate was in quantum philosophy. If you’re like me you may have gone, ‘What the hell is that?’ I genuinely didn’t have a clue. As is my wont, I thought I’d better find out, so did a quick  search. Apparently this concept was proposed in a 2002 book by one Roland Ormes, in which he aims to show the non-specialist reader how modern developments in quantum mechanics allow the recovery of out commonsense view of the world. What? This is babbling from the sickbed, surely? I’m interested in quantum physics, but quantum philosophy? Sounds like intellectual noodling to me, a bit like a guitar solo in a prog rock track. How that qualifies her to talk about chocolate is beyond me.

It is therefore from a position of power that I declare Dr Gaye does not have a proper job. But I admire her sheer nerve.