What do the following four things have in common? The Skoda Fabia; the VW Passat; Muller Fruitopolis; and the Nationwide Building Society. You don’t know? Shame on you. Go and sit on the naughty step. The Skoda is What Car? Magazine’s Car of the Year 2015. The Passat is European Car of the Year. Muller Fruitopolis is, believe it or don’t, Yogurt Product of the Year 2015. The Nationwide is Mortgage and Savings Provider of the Year 2015. How could you not know these simple facts? How can you be so unaware of the realities of the world?

It may well be that you are as confused as I am by the odd timing here. You may be thinking, ‘Wait a second. We’re not even halfway through the year yet. Shouldn’t we just chill out, kick back, and see if anything better turns up?’ Alas it doesn’t work like that.

European Car of the Year 2015 was actually announced in 2014. Work that out if you can. So was What Car? Clincher. The other two have rolled in over the past few weeks. We’ve already also had Haircare Product of the Year, Skincare Product of the Year… I love the cosmetic categories in this melting pot of spuriousness, since you look at the statistics you’ll find stuff such as ‘76% of a sample of 183 women agreed…’ Not what you’d call a significant sample size, eh?

I think we may be missing a trick here. We should be subverting things a bit. How about Lard Of The Year 2015? Drink Causing The Most Vicious Hangover. Most Bloody Irritating Television Celebrity. Curry That Will Do The Most Lasting Damage. Most Over-rated Film. Book You Can’t Believe Ever Got Published. Most Ridiculous Fashion Trend. Most Odious Politician.

The possibilities are endless. Think of it as our opportunity to strike back against corporations, make a stand for the little people. Power to the people!