I know that sounds like a contradiction in terms, but there you go. The election mudslinging in the UK is at its most frenzied. The  Times, Telegraph, Mail, and Express have been going flat out to spook the herd, in the process smearing Ed Milliband. The Mail sank to a new low, however, when it reported that Justine, Ed Milliband’s wife, is the ‘least popular’ of all the wives of the three main leaders. How they know that is a mystery. Did they run an opinion poll? Or did they just pull it out of the air? Either way, just what is the importance or significance of the finding? Justine won’t be running the country, since she’s not a politician. Meanwhile Cameron proudly tells the world that he’s heavily influenced by his wife Samantha.

The Sun resurrected the infamous photograph of Milliband having some difficulty eating a bacon sandwich. I didn’t see the significance of that either, until I saw the headline about making a pig’s ear of things. I don’t feel that the inability to eat a bacon sarnie elegantly is a valid argument against him, since to be fair nobody can eat one with poise.

Meanwhile, the Tories got a good kicking from an unexpected critic. John Major popped up on the radar to say that the past five years had been divisive, that the poor need more not less help, and that the education system is failing the nation’s children. Given that John Major is not noted for being passionate about things, this really is something. Won’t make much difference I don’t suppose, but Major was one of the less unpopular Tory PMs so it probably rattled Cameron’s bars a bit.

The dangerous buffoon Nigel Farage has had to suspend a UKIP candidate in North East Hampshire. Robert Blay was filmed referring to the Tory candidate, Ranil Jayawardena, as a ‘f*****’, and saying that he’d put a bullet between his eyes. Just so we were left in no doubt, Mr Blay also said, ‘I absolutely loathe him.’ He continued in this tirade by accusing his rival’s father, who is originally Sri Lankan, of having come to Britain and ‘ponced off us… like all the Eastern Europeans are.’ Full of the milk of human kindness.

Let’s cross The Pond now to the peaceful state of Texas. The Republicans down there have gone even more apeshit then they generally are, and that’s quite an achievement. The GOP governor of the state has got the National Guard on standby. The reason is a truly barmy conspiracy theory that the government is going to use some large military manoeuvres as cover to invade Texas. The nutjobs go further by claiming that there are networks of tunnels connecting various Wal-Mart stores in Texas, and the tunnels will be used to deploy the troops. Wal-Mart flat out deny this piece of lunacy, but no less a person than Chuck Norris is a strong advocate, so it must be true. There’s also the question of why the government would want to invade a state that is already in the Union. Nobody seems to worked that out just yet.

One last thing. Not strictly politics, but mad anyway. A woman in Nebraska is attempting to sue all homosexuals, and has the joint plaintiffs as God and Jesus Christ. The courts (should it reach the courts, which in the US is far from impossible) will have fun with the subpoenas.