If you’re old enough to grow one of those stupidly fashionable beards, you’re old enough to ignore your mum telling you not to cycle on the road. Just because you’re on a BMX (which makes you look like a dimwitted adult on a toddler’s mountain bike) this does not excuse you.

This also applies if you think anybody over 16 can look cool on a skateboard in the High Street. Get up a skatepark and break some limbs doing halfpipes or whatever you do. Don’t expect me as a decrepit old git to get the f*** out of your way, then look pissed off when I refuse to budge.

Young people today, eh?