Well, well, well, the loonies at PETA have excelled themselves. Not content with telling you not to eat meat, which they are entitled to do even if I think they’re mad because of some of their other activities, they’ve gone one stage further. They now want to tell you what vegetables you should eat depending on your sign of the Zodiac.

You know my attitude to astrology, or you should do by now. It’s bunkum. Complete nonsense, an excuse for opportunist charlatans to exploit the weak-minded. If you don’t adhere to this view, you’d better stop reading now, and under no circumstances follow this link.

https://nobodysreadingme.wordpress.com/2012/10/29/horoscopes-crystal-balls-card-reading-and-the-rest/

Or this one, come to that.

https://nobodysreadingme.wordpress.com/2013/04/12/your-horoscopes-for-the-weekend/

Anyway, since I like accumulating junk knowledge, I thought I’d find out what this bunch of lunatics actually think, if I can use that term. You may take it as read that they’re pretty much killjoys at every turn. Most signs should avoid alcohol (it’s worse than going to the doctor, and at least your quack has some medical training). Earth signs need to lay off the chocolate, Fire signs should lay off the spicy food… All the fun is gone.

Let’s consider my own sign Aries. I should be scoffing the following. Unless I make a specific comment, you may assume that I’ll eat it. Brown rice, bananas, fruit juice, olives (wahay!), tomatoes, onions, lettuce, cauliflower, cucumbers (food of Satan), spinach, radishes (Satan’s preference when he runs out of cucumbers), broccoli, beans, lentils, pumpkin (hmmm, just about OK), figs, dried apricots, garlic (wahay!), and mustard.

I should be avoiding spicy food, salt, and alcohol.

Now the best way to eat lentils is in a daal, but sadly this is spicy so forbidden. Yet I’m recommended to eat mustard, which at last count is pretty damned hot if you do the right thing and make it yourself rather than buy it in a jar. Pickled mustard greens are sublime, but now also on the Not Allowed list.

These people really are out there where the air is thin, aren’t they? They are completely delusional. Or it may be they’re just interfering busybodies with too much time on their hands.

By the way, you’re in for a really bad time if you’re a Sagittarius, because the list of things you’re allowed is pretty spartan, and you’re barred from spicy foods (boooooo!), sweets, refined sugars, and alcohol.

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