This is a rebadged version of one of my most popular posts. It crops up almost weekly in my stats even though it’s two and a half years old.

******

The clear pellucid waters of Facebook are often sullied by the flotsam of memes. Since I’m very selective about my Friends, all of whom have impeccably good taste, I’m rarely bothered by the sheer amount of garbage that drifts and swirls in the murky eddies, but I occasionally take a punt out and navigate the more polluted stretches of sluggish effluent.

Memes are a particularly common form of pollution. Most of the ones I find in my research are saccharin in the extreme, homespun philosophy of the lowest order. Truly terrible.

My Friends however do come up with some real gems. One drifted into my account on Saturday, and made me laugh out loud. The basic premise was this. Take the sentence ‘I saw a flower,’ and render it in various musical genres. It was riotously funny

Now me being me, I couldn’t leave well alone. So I had a go at some different genres. Just for fun. Here are some I came up with.

Madrigal

A flower a flower,

Tra la la la la la laa

Opera

HO visto un FIORE

e gettavo fuori le mura del CASTELLO

(This translates roughly as ‘I saw a flower and threw myself off the castle walls’)

Gilbert and Sullivan

I am the very model of a modern floriculturalist

Rap

I gotta bitch

Her name is Flower

Gonna make her sweat

An beg for mower.

My love gun’s loaded likea

AK47

Gonna finger Flower’s trigger

That’ll send her to heaven

Reggae

No flower no cry

No flower no cry

In Babylon

Religious nutjob (of any persuasion)

I saw a flower.

Beautiful isn’t it?

It didn’t happen by chance

God exists

How much more proof do you need?

Techno

I saw a flower

Flowerewolflowerewolflowerewolflowerewolf

I saw a flower

Gregorian chant This is a bit tricky since you have to imagine it as a part song

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Sawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Flowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Prog rock

I saw a flower

It’s really amazing

Like the entire universe

All just, like, there

You know?

Blues

Weellllll

I woke up this mawninnnnnn

My woman done gone

With the florist

An’ my dawg died too

Ramones

I juss wanna sniff some glue

That is all I wanna do

‘Cut! Joey, that’s the wrong song.’

‘Ooops. Sorry. ONE TWO TREE FAW….’

We’re a happy family we’re a happy family

‘Cut. Joey, it ain’t at one either.’

‘Ooops. OK, ONE TWO TREE FAW’

Sheena is

A punk rocker

Sheena is

A punk rocker

Sheena is

A punk rocker noowwwwwww

‘Cut! Joey….’

Gospel. Please feel free to clap along to this one

Brotherly!

Brotherly!

Brotherly!

FLOWER!

Oi. In case you aren’t familiar with this it’s much favoured by skinheads and members of the British National Party

I saw a flower

F****** stamped its f****** head in

Din’ I?

I f******* hate pansies

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