I think I may have posted this in the past, but I’m not sure because it ended up in my Trash. Anyway, even if I did I suspect nobodyreadit, because back in October 2012 I had approximately zero readers.

Many years ago, in a previous life, I used to have to drive to Hull several times a week. I used to use the A1 rather than the M1; it’s a more interesting stretch of road.

There are lots of interesting place names on the roadsigns, and to while away the hours I used to try and think up meanings for them separate from how they originated. I know this game was played to great effect by Douglas Adams and John Lloyd in their hysterically funny The Deeper Meaning of Lff, but imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Anyway, I used to try to think of different themes, so the game didn’t get boring.

Here are some things based on the idea of a pub crawl between Cambridge and the M18 turn off the A1. All the place names are real.

Abbot’s Ripton Extreme form of Burton Coggles
Blyth Well past Wansford, and feeling pretty good about things in general
Boothby Pagnell Mixture of guilt and drunken goodwill that makes you shell out a quid for a copy of the Young Soldier when the Sally Army launch a top secret ‘behind the lines’ operation
Brotherton Early manifestation of Loversall
Burghwallis Place where owners of Coppingfords live
Burton Coggles Gastrointestinal distress after a night on Water Newton
Catterick Highly animated Wittering
Coppingford 1969 Capri, metallic brown with ripped vinyl roof, that the owner believes is irresistible to members of the opposite sex, but is in fact only irresistible to the Old Bill
Dry Doddington Miserable octogenarian magistrate, head of the local licensing committee who refuses licence extensions on Bank Holidays in Dry Drayton
Dry Drayton Not a place to get a late drink on a Bank Holiday. See Dry Doddington
Great Lumley Not very bright bloke who is nevertheless good for an evening of Wittering without bringing on a Pontefract. The opposite of a Scruton
Great Ponton An extreme form of Scruton
Kirk Smeaton Unctuous Baptist minister with an objection to people enjoying themselves; big pals with and ally of the local Dry Doddington
Lamesley Landlord in an empty pub you enter by mistake, and which is empty solely because said landlord is a bore full of false bonhomie. Any landlord calling you ‘Squire’ or ‘Young man’ may well be a Lamesley
Loversall Extremely Blyth
Lumby An uncongenial Great Lumley. A low IQ version of a Scruton
Minskip Small corrective action taken when you encounter an unexpected slope in the pub floor on the way to the lavatory
Old Micklefield Where the 1969 Capris (See Coppingford) end up after failing to negotiate Scotch Corner
Pontefract Tetchy with the bloke who is Wittering a bit too much and who is palpably wrong on some topic, but you can’t tell him so because he’s a local and you aren’t
Sawtry Nonchalant stroll up to, and testing of, a pub door when you aren’t sure of local opening times
Scotch Corner Local Deadman’s Curve for owners of Coppingfords
Scruton Intelligent but intensely irritating bloke who brings on an attack of Pontefract very quickly. See Great Lumley
Sowerby Metallic taste in the mouth left by Water Newton
Tuxford Feeling of wellbeing after a meal and the first pint in a strange pub on your own. See Wansford
Wallbottle Overwhelmingly dull collection of Coronation ales and other such one-off brews, collected by a Lamesley, and which you are expected to admire
Wansford Sense of wistfulness a few more pints after the Tuxford. May be followed by a Blyth
Water Newton Local brew in a place you have never been to before, makes you feel ill but not drunk. May cause Burton Coggles
Wittering Aimless but initially amiable conversation struck up with a stranger in a pub. May lead to a Pontefract
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