You’d have to be to fall for this scam, though I have to say it borders on genius. Anybody who has a dog is convinced their dog is the bestest dog ever, and now a website can help them to prove it.

Dognition is the name of the site, and it’s been set up by Brian Hare, an evolutionary anthropologist from Cornell University. This is a very august institution, even if I can’t quite see what an anthropologist is doing claiming to be an expert on canine personalities. One thing I do understand is that he’s fond of money, and will skin owners alive given the chance. A one-off assessment, which includes 20 interactive games, an in-depth game analysis, and a Dognition profile report, will set you back $19. A yearly subscription comes in at $79, but additionally gives you monthly games, expert tips and tricks, and a 50% discount for additional dogs. A monthly sum of $9, with an initial payment of $19, gets the same package. But do the sums and it’s an eye watering $118 a year just to play games with your dog. Cheaper to buy a Frisbee, or go low tech and throw sticks.

However, it’s money well spent if you’re an owner. You’ll find out what character profile your dog has. Is he a Stargazer? How about a Maverick? Maybe a Renaissance Dog? Einstein? Protodog? Expert? Ace? Socialite? Charmer?

It seems to me that the cunning algorithm to churn out this nonsense is missing a trick or two. Where’s the Leg Shagger? Slavering Psycho? Fawning Creep? Truck Chaser? Gutbucket? Blithering Idiot?

dopey

Unusually for me, I haven’t done any rigorous checking of the testing system. This is because to find out how it works, I’d have to subscribe to the website. Even in the interests of keeping my audience informed I am not forking out 19 dollars. It seems to me that the ‘expert tricks’ are all being performed by Hare and his bunch of money-mad prestidigitators. My ‘expert tip’? The twelve quid or so would be better spent in the pub.

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