Generally Sunday is maid’s day off, as you know, but seeing as how we have the inconvenience of Christmas and its attendant disruption next week I’m kicking over the traces a bit. Also this was too good not to share.

An animal sanctuary in Cornwall acquired a new houseguest in the form of a lop-eared rabbit. The new lapine denizen had a massively bad attitude, and vigorously attacked visitors and staff, with at least one person requiring stitches. This doesn’t unduly surprise me. I did a lot of work with rabbits, and most of them are so sweet natured they make Thumper look like Charlie Manson, but occasionally we’d get a real psycho, and like my fictional detective Blain, they fight dirty.


A colleague was stretchered off for stitches when one rabbit went loco, bit him through the meaty part of his thumb, and refused to let go till tempted with some greenery. When really arsed off about life, rabbits’ll do their level best to try eviscerate you by kicking you with their back legs.

Any road up, the animal sanctuary employed an animal psychiatrist to work out what was going on. In a real ‘No shit, Sherlock’ proclamation, the psychiatrist announced the leporine ninja was trying to keep people away. Well I never!

I may have missed my vocation in life. I should have become a charlatan like this one, charged a couple of hundred quid for stating the bleeding obvious, and retired early to the comfort of the Bahamas.

It’s not a proper job, is it? Come on, admit it, you think the same as I do.