This saw light of day about three years ago. However, given the activities of those bozos who just got busted in Oregon, it’s worth another ride in the fresh air.


Looks pretty simple on the face of it. You develop a really bad attitude to government and big business, then go and hole up in a shack in the middle of Montana or somewhere equally remote, and wait for Armageddon. Easy.

Maybe not. What is the well dressed survivalist wearing this season? Probably army surplus fatigues and body armour. Which were made by some big corporation, specifically for the army, which is run by…Holy crap. The Government! Never thought of that!

The combat boots will have to go too.

And the assault rifles. And the 2,000,000 rounds of ammunition. And the Semtex, which is a goddam commie invention.

Forget that hunting knife, unless you made it yourself out of flint and a stick you’ve split and bound with creepers. That fibreglass hunting bow? Sorry, spit it out. All of it. Now go and make your own from a branch and a length of animal entrails. While you’re at it, find some straight twigs and tip and fletch your own arrows or quarrels.

Back to the shack. What’s it made of? Logs you cut yourself and shaped with a stone adze, or planks, made by some big business somewhere, and with a roof of plywood or weatherboarding, or tin? Is it nailed together? Screwed together? Shame on you. You’re playing at this, aren’t you?

Chuck out all the cooking utensils you’ve carefully stashed away. And your knives and forks. While you’re at it, lose all the tobacco unless you grew it and cured it yourself. Any alcohol you didn’t brew and/or distil from berries has to be chucked out too.

I’ll bet you’ve got a year’s worth of canned food and bottled water stored away somewhere haven’t you? Cheat. The batteries for the radio have to go. And just how did you get everything to said shack? A month long portage using mustangs you broke in yourself? Or in a pickup truck made by one of the biggest industries in the world, fuelled by petrol or diesel, refined and supplied by the biggest business in the world?

You really aren’t taking this seriously are you?