Just bear in mind he doesn’t work on Saturdays, has no medical experience whatsoever, but thinks he knows better than doctors do. He was crap as culture secretary, and he’s crap at the DoH. He’s a despicable excuse for a human being. How can you impose a contract on a workforce? Contracts are mutually agreed.

Right, back to something a bit lighter. Selfies. These can seriously tee me off, epitomising as they do the preening arrogance of the majority of those who take them. But help may be at hand, since the guilty parties have shown they have a tendency to die when taking their self-aggrandising snaps. Huzzah!

I’m indebted to the i, which reported some results produced by an outfit called Priceonomics. This lot for some reason decided to research selfie-related deaths. I assume they were in the pub at the time and it seemed a damn fine splendid idea.

It seems taking selfies may show selection pressure at its finest. Here are the numbers of people known to have died while taking selfies on a country by country basis. Top slot goes to India, with 19. Then Russia (as if things aren’t bad enough there anyway) with 7. The US rolls into town next with a surprisingly low 5, only marginally ahead of Spain and the Philippines, each with 4. Portugal and Indonesia are level pegging on 2 apiece, and South Africa, Romania. Pakistan, Mexico, Italy, and China each have a disappointing 1 each.

The most common cause of selfie death is falling from a height, so watch your step when you pose yourself on the edge of a cliff. However, car crashes (no surprise there, eh?), drowning (WTF?), and gunshots have also been implicated. In at least one of the gunshot deaths it appears that the selfie inflicted injury happened because the snapper was pissed and drunkenly pulled the trigger of the gun (while it was pointed at his head) instead of activating the camera on his phone.

And how can we forget that idiot who lost the best part of his arm when a rattlesnake bit him as he tried to take a selfie while holding it in his other hand. Not very securely, obviously.

Let’s be careful out there.