Well, where do we start?

Firstly, sunglasses on what is clearly not a bright day. Secondly, that ostentatious wristwatch on the wrong wrist. Thirdly that bloody stupid hipster beard with the shaven sides to the hair. As you know, this looks as if this prat put his face on upside down when he got up. Plus it makes him look as if he’s happy to lash out seven quid on cornflakes in the hip place in Shoreditch that serves only breakfast cereal to people with more money than sense.

But here’s the kicker. This is the big one. This man is vaping. That word in itself is an abomination, and the activity itself is beyond any reasonable person’s pale. If you’re going to smoke, good luck to you. If you want to give up, good luck to you. But don’t vape!

It’s a ridiculous practice, and one that in many ways is worse for bystanders than smoking is. But if you want your nicotine fix, all well and good. But put your big pants on and have it nicotine flavoured!

We innocents don’t want to be assailed by those revolting flavours/smells because you can’t hack the real thing. I’ll bet you never smoked strawberry or peppermint flavoured snout, did you? So why does your vaping solution have to smell like bubblegum? That’s not very grown-up, and it fits with my suspicion you eat breakfast cereal when you go out for a spot of lunch.

I suspect that in the unlikely event of this bloke having a girlfriend, she has a fixation with colouring books and is called Moon or something equally dippy.

On a slightly different topic, I saw last week that the number of people eating cereals at home has declined by about 40%. I’ll assume that’s not a figure some hack pulled out of the air. Reason most often cited? Disliking washing up afterwards. Yes, that’s a real chore with a cereal bowl isn’t it? But I shall return this week to the miraculous adhesive properties of some cereals.