I’ve pushed the boat out a bit this week, and gone for seven places, because I really couldn’t make my mind up. At least one of these will raise a few eyebrows.

Places beginning with C

Cambridge

It’s an attractive city, but is insufferably smug. Currently it’s also awash with bloody idiot students demanding it become a safe place where there are no viewpoints or ideas that challenge them. Do not mention Cecil Rhodes or the rooster.

Canvey Island

Hard to know where to begin here. It has no redeeming features whatsoever, and the whopping great oil terminal is not the most attractive installation you’ll ever see either.

Carlisle

Just say no. It used to be called Caer Leon, but that doesn’t help things one little bit.

Catterick

Firstly, it’s in Yorkshire, so on the wrong side of the Pennines. Secondly, it’s a garrison town, so things can get a bit rowdy when the squaddies hit the pubs on a Friday night.

Colchester

It may well be the oldest recorded town in Britain, and it shows. Also a garrison town, so even more of a good reason to avoid it.

Colnbrook

Not far from West Drayton, and under the flightpath for Heathrow. OK if you don’t mind jet fuel being dumped all over your house, and your windows being shattered by the noise.

Crewe

Despite the fact it’s in the generally pretty Cheshire, if you have one of the largest railway junctions in the UK with its boots firmly in your town, the aesthetics are going to suffer. Not far away is Alsager.

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