I have no problem with vegans. None. I worry that in general they look as if they’re etiolated (look it up) and may blow away in a high wind. But I do not have a problem with how they try to avoid animal products. I’m nearly an obligate vegetarian, but that’s a fiscal not moral choice.

Be a vegan. Fine. But do not be a pain in the arse about it.

Do not enter a hostelry, look at the menu, say, ‘I’m a vegan’ as if it’s a badge of office, and ask if the pasta is made with eggs. Chances are 99% certain the answer will be, ‘Yes.’ They might make their own pasta, but if it’s a modest establishment they’re likely to buy it in, and commercial pasta normally has eggs in it. The poor bastard serving you may not know. Why should he/she know? Going to have to take a guess. Stop being so bloody prissy, eh?

Then do not order a beer. Beer is cleared, or fined, using finings. These are largely made from fish swim bladders. I don’t know why, or how some mad git found out that swim bladders made the yeasts stick together and drop out so you do not get the screamers next morning. But them’s the facts.

Red wine. You can’t drink that either, I’m afraid. It’s also fined with fish-derived isinglass. Lovely word that, isn’t it? Isinglass. I like that. But if you’re a vegan, it’s a no-no. Guinness are working on a vegan version of their porter, but right now you’re drinking swim bladders.

So this prissy gobshite gives the barman/waiter a bloody hard time, then pays no attention to her own ethics.

Oh yeah, if you’re a vegan, leather shoes should be off the agenda too. You can’t have it all ways.

Stop with the sanctimony. Just stop.