I’ve always liked Ms Paltrow as an actor. In Se7en she played a character so ineffably drippy that I was on Kevin Spacey’s side when he offed her. She was terrific as Helen, the Sloane ranger in Sliding Doors. I very much liked Shakespeare in Love. The list goes on.
I’ve less admiration for her insufferably smug off-screen persona. Goop, her ‘lifestyle’ website, is a joke, because only real poseurs with more money than sense would shell out $20,000+ for some luggage. Then we had the vaginal steam cleaning. Definite sign of losing your marbles. Ozone enemas. No, not a good idea.
Then there was the strict vegan dietary advice. If it wasn’t organic kale or black quinoa it might well not make it through The Gwyn’s strict quality control. As for the meringues made with chickpea water, nobody in the sensible world ever said, ‘Those sound so yummy! I must make some.’ That never happened, did it?
Nobody else with a toehold on reality ever went through a ‘conscious uncoupling.’ Chris Martin saw the light after this piece of tomfoolery, got together with Jennifer Lawrence, ate a steak, and got a smile back on his face and some colour back in his cheeks. All the chia seemed to disagree with him.
Well, it appears the Queen of Clean has had a meltdown of epic proportions, and lost the whole organic thread. She’s just released a new cookbook. And zoot alors! She’s gone off the faddy diet rails big time.
Yes, the cookbook now consists of recipes for dishes you and I might make. I’m not sure if anybody needs a recipe for a fried egg sandwich (with bacon), since that’s the sort of thing that got Nigella the Domestic Goddess into trouble. Similarly if you can’t knock up a basic pasta carbonara, you haven’t been paying attention, have you?
But having pasta and bacon back on active service is a big move for her. Chicken’s re-rostered. She’s been waxing lyrical about the charms of pizza. I’m not a big fan myself, but I can see that’s a seachange of an attitude from the Queen of Clean.
But here’s the big one. She now gives her children Nutella sandwiches. On real bread, not the ersatz stuff that she’s been favouring. The offspring will no longer be mercilessly mocked by their schoolmates for turning up with soba noodle salad and organic buckwheat wraps in their lunchboxes.
Mind you, I bet they still get some stick for their names. Children can be so cruel.