There are already some strong contenders for Pillock of the Week, and here it is, only Monday.

First out of the hat we have the perennially pillocky Gorgeous George. He’s really brought out the big rational arguments for the Remain campaign. He’s threatening water turning to blood, frogs, lice, diseased cattle, boils, thunder and hail, locusts, darkness, and death of the firstborn if we decide to leave. That’s not precisely what he said, but that was the general tone of his forecasts of doom today.

GDP will slump by at least 3.6%, house prices will drop 18% in two years, the NHS will collapse, and the sky is falling, the sky is falling. All the usual claptrap, because nobody knows since no country ever left the EEC/EU.

The thing that’s worrying him most, of course, is that in the event of an exit, Pigshagger’s days as PM and leader of the Toffs are over, and GG’s will get dragged down with him, ending his dream of taking over the reins.

Next up, the editor of the Sunday Express for not spiking the front page headline story that ran yesterday. ‘Eleven million Turkish people heading for the UK.’ This bold claim was based on a survey carried out for the Sexpress. It must have been a bloody big survey, because you can’t get meaningful figures that large. They probably went down the local kebab shop and asked a few of the people working there if they were expecting their families to turn up any time soon. We had the dimwitted Nigel Farrago of Misinformation endorsing that heap of crap.

The figures are wildly out anyway, since even if they were true, which they palpably can’t be, all would be predicated on Turkey joining the EU. Since any and every member state has a power of veto over new members being admitted, and since Turkey’s been trying to get in for the past 50 odd years, it’s not likely to happen any time soon. As for the mythical threat posed by visa free travel for Turkish people, since Britain has not signed up to the Schengen agreement, our border controls will still be the same as they ever were.

Now some really barmy school news, but I can name no names. However, the upshot is that teachers at St Monica’s Catholic Primary School in Milton Keynes have apparently been banned from blowing whistles to signal the end of playtime. The whistles are ‘too aggressive,’ and may frighten the children.

There’s a whole week idiocy to go yet.