Some more rich pickings this week. It promises to be a bumper harvest.
First up we had TFF offering to have talks with Kim Jong-un, the only person in the world with an even worse barnet than The Weave. However, help was at hand in the shape of Hyon Hak Bang. He’s the North Korean ambassador to Britain, and he said that TFF’s offer was seen as an electoral ploy. No kidding. Whoever would have thought that?
By the way, Mr Hyon has a stupid haircut too, but since male haircuts for Koreans are dictated by the mad bastard in Pyongyang, that’s not his fault.
The Toffs are apparently ‘treating people like simpletons’ during the run-up to the referendum. I’ve been pointing this out for weeks, what with Gorgeous and Pigshagger banging on about the zombie apocalypse if we leave, something they did again yesterday. However, my opinion may not count. But when Steve Hilton calls the Toffs out, his opinion carries some weight. He’s Pigshagger’s former director of strategy. In essence he’s calling the PM a pillock, doing my job for me.
Right. Groundbreaking news. When the fragrant Kate, Duchess of Cambridge, gave birth, she had a team of 23 people assigned to her. That’s a pretty pillocky thing to do, don’t you think? There’s only a limited number of hands you can get on the job, if you think about it.
I’ll probably be sent to the Tower for treason for that.
Some Iberian pillockry now. Cops in Spain are invoking public security laws to try and fine a woman over her choice of handbag. That’s really pillocky, is it not? There’s a logo on the bag, ACAB, which allegedly stands for ‘All cats are beautiful,’ but which the pillockbrained rozzers are claiming stands for, ‘All coppers are bastards.’
Back in the 60s, ‘All coppers are bastards’ was a popular football crowd chant. Not very nice, but no reason for a night in the slammer or a hefty fine.
A good one from the Land of the Free, Texas to be precise. At a lecture in Waco (wasn’t that where the pillocky Branch Dravidians had a shootout with the guys from ATF?) Bill Nye pointed out that the claim in the Book of Genesis about there being two lights, the sun to govern the day, and the moon to govern the night, wasn’t strictly accurate since the moon merely reflects the sun.
Cue booing from the audience, and the exit of one woman with three children in tow yelling, ‘Here in Texas we believe in God!’
Lastly, Ruth Bradbury, Toff MP for Brentford, being pillocky.
‘The Cycling and Walking Strategy (I’m not making that up) is a first for the government. So it is to be welcomed…’
It’s so important that the total amount of funding equates to less than £1 per head of population. I can sense a u-turn on the cash coming up shortly. Then Gorgeous George will look like a pillock. Again.