Well, a good week so far for nobheads. It’s always heartwarming when you find you’re not the stupidest person in the world.

Two Moslem clerics have said it is fine and dandy for men to beat their wives. One of them in Saudi Arabia even posted a video of how to go about it properly, with handy tips on what to use.

There are several reasons why a man may smack his wife around. Being disrespectful is one. If your spouse answers you back, clout her. Same as if she refuses to fulfil her ‘wifely duties.’ This is Newspeak for refusing to have sex. I know this because you can also slap her around a bit if she refuses to clean the house or do the cooking, and even if she’s rubbish in the kitchen.

Don’t like what’s she’s wearing? Whale the crap out of her and make her change her clothes. If she doesn’t bathe after sex (assuming she lets you get in there in the first place), thumping is in order. Similarly if she fails to bathe after her period has ended.

There’s something about a religion that allows half the world to ‘legitimately’ suppress the other half. In Saudi, women have been arrested for posting Instagrams of themselves driving.

Lest we forget, it’s not just Islam that has this dodgy, indefensible attitude. Down in the Bible Belt in the US, there are lots of zealots who say women must never contradict their husbands. They must be respectful at all times, speak quietly, obey their husbands’ wishes, yada yada yada.

Meanwhile the f******* who say this invoke the Bible. That’s the book that forbids people to eat shellfish, which is bad news if you’re in the deep South and like grilled shrimp or crayfish in your gumbo.

It’s also the book that forbids you to have that tattoo of the Crucifixion you just got inked onto your bicep.

And don’t think the other Abrahamic religion, Judaism, doesn’t have some very odd concepts. There’s niddah for a start, the belief that a woman who is menstruating is unclean during and for a week after. This is apparently based on a fear of the uncleanliness of female Samaritans, Sadduceans, and idolaters, which covers all the bases.

Fair play to Judaism though. The first female rabbi was ordained in 1935. It took the Church of England nearly 60 years to catch up with the idea of women priests.