I’ve never been to Peebles, so I really can’t say. However nice it is, I might be reluctant to live in a town that sounds like those round based dolls that were popular in the 1970s. Or possibly a minor bladder infection.

Padstow

You can’t live there, because all the housing has been snapped up for second homes by city slickers raving pretentiously on about Rick Stein’s seafood restaurant. This is a reason you wouldn’t want to live there anyway. Shame really. I used to go there as a child when it was still a pleasing harbour town

Penge

Between Crystal Palace and Sydenham, and incorporates the worst aspects of both of them. Estate agents there will try to convince newbies that it’s pronounced Penzh. It’s not. It rhymes with Stonehenge, but the similarity stops right there, apart from the decaying building stock

Peterborough

Horrid. Unpleasant coalition between historic and ‘Hey! Glass!’ schools of architecture. Now acts as a dormitory for Cantabrigians who are down on their financial luck

Pleshey

Pretty, but one of those places where to get there you wouldn’t start from here. The local, The Leather Bottle, is owned and run by Keith Flint of The Prodigy

Port Talbot

Right now, it’s on the skids while people decide what to do with the steelworks. When the steelworks is back in action, good reason not to live there. And it’s in Wales

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