Given the general air of gloom and despondency, and the imminent arrival of the zombie apocalypse, some lighter news.
I found out on Thursday that the Legendary Tyler is returning to one of my watering holes. He’d been working in Stratford on Avon, but got into an altercation and gave somebody else a slapping. He insisted it was a slapping because the other guy was too young to hit. Tyler spent the night in the slammer, was still behind bars when he should have been at work… Hence at a loose end.
This is the hero who barred my mate for being boring. It will be good to have him back.
Just as good. Legendary Stuart, the village idiot, is also returning soon. You’ll remember him as the fibbing penguin pickerupper and sometime Voldemort impersonator. One of the most endearing blokes you could hope to meet.
Then a personal triumph. I managed to shave my head for the third day in a row without nicking the tricky bit immediately over my left ear. May not sound like much, but it stings like mad when I get it wrong.
Also on Thursday, some high jinx in the sleepy market town of Great Dunmow. A couple of hoodlums torched a car on the northern outskirts of the town. Gosh! It’s like an inner city here. Fort Apache the Bronx has nothing on Essex.
Then there was a heist. Yes there was. Twenty five big ones got boosted from a security van outside the local HSBC. That’s the last place I’d have chosen, because there’s a set of traffic lights about two yards down the road, so it would be hard to manoeuvre the getaway wheels into the queuing traffic. Still, 25gee is not to be sniffed at. I must ask Mr Whippy if he knows who did it. You remember him, don’t you? The guy who knocked over an ice cream van while at a holiday camp with this granddaughter.
And in the doom and uncertainty of the referendum result, a light in the gloom.
Thoughts in no particular order – rough and tumble Essex, geez – I have it all wrong in my head. This Canadian (of minimal UK travel) thought Brixton was bad ass. Where the hell is Essex anyway? Re legends Tyler and Stuart – desperately in need of links to their shenanigans. Also – is barring the boring from pubs common practice over there?
Hang on. I can locate (approx) Quebec on a map, and you don’t know where Essex is? I despair.
Neither Legend has a big online presence. I’ll keep you posted.
Barred for being boring? Unprecedented to my knowledge. That’s why Tyler is a Legend in his own lunchtime.
https://nobodysreadingme.wordpress.com/2015/12/15/how-to-get-barred-from-licensed-premises/
In my defense – Canada was a British colony, you probably recited our meager number of provinces in school (lets not forget Quebec is larger than your entire country) Humph 🙂 Essex? – not a clue.I have a friend from Liverpool, my husband’s schizophrenic cousin lives in Manchester, my grandfather published our family tree in the 1970’s pinning my heritage to Rotherfield in Sussex circa 1543 (and no, I couldn’t peg Sussex on a map either ) I sporadically watch Neil Oliver’s “Coast”, and spent a week in London five years ago.Shameful, I know. 🙂
It seems fitting your “legends” shy away from online presence – I like that.Thanks for elaborating on barred for boring, I’lll sleep better now.
I can indicate approximately on a map just about any country you care to mention.
I could also roughly pinpoint most of the states in the US. Roughly.
As for Quebec being bigger than the UK, I didn’t realise that it was part of Texas, so I’ve learned something today. 😉
Just Googled Essex, it’s a county! No fair, though I suppose your counties are regarded as our provinces or U.S. states. Rest assured – from this day forward I’ll nail county Essex on the map 🙂
Look for the Thames estuary, and it’s on the north side
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Absolutely no food selfies on pain of death.