Very up and coming, so estate agents will have you believe. It’s still a port. End of story


A place of such awfulness that Jerome K Jerome mentioned it in the Victorian factional work Three Men in a Boat. Imagine a place on the Thames being that hideous for over 120 years. That takes some effort


In Lincolnshire. Middle of sodding nowhere, and I used to have to spend hours there waiting for train connections to Peterborough so I could then get to Ely and get a connection to Norwich. Start and end of every term at UEA, I got stuck at Retford


It’s on the Isle of Sheppey, and is by far the worst bit of even that bloody wasteland


One of those places that makes first-time visitiors go, ‘OFFS.’ It’s unremittingly ugly, and makes Doncaster look like Shangri-la.


In Staffordshire. Staffordshire has some really nice bits. Rugby isn’t one of them


Also in Staffordshire. So is Stoke on Trent (qv). You get to hear my views on Stoke next week. And two of its famous sons.