It’s actually quite nice, but like Oswestry it’s in Shropshire so miles from bloody anyway


Not far from Slough. It’s a bit of a dormitory town, like Burnham Beeches. It even has a Slough postcode, despite describing itself as near Maidenhead


A very attractive city with a beautiful cathedral, and it’s a doddle to get to. However when the Severn floods, as it does with monotonous regularity, this is not a good place to be living


It’s got good bits, including an impressive Town Hall and some interesting old houses and pubs. Just too near Aylesbury for my liking


The old town is nice, lots of flint. The encircling estates are hideous, like Norfolk version of Harlow. The good news is there’s a bypass


Hard to know where to start. Suffice to say that Grays is an integral part of it


It’s in the West Midlands. So are Coventry and Birmingham. And Walsall and Wolverhampton, which will soon feel my wrath


It’s in Kent

Tunbridge Wells

Also in Kent. It’s a nice town, very attractive, but full of stockbrokers. Also home to Angry of Tunbridge Wells, the much parodied writer of furious missives to the Daily Telegraph


Only about 9 miles from Newcastle, but lacks the vibrancy of that city. Mind you, it also lacks the postclub Saturday night violence