Telford

It’s actually quite nice, but like Oswestry it’s in Shropshire so miles from bloody anyway

Taplow

Not far from Slough. It’s a bit of a dormitory town, like Burnham Beeches. It even has a Slough postcode, despite describing itself as near Maidenhead

Tewkesbury

A very attractive city with a beautiful cathedral, and it’s a doddle to get to. However when the Severn floods, as it does with monotonous regularity, this is not a good place to be living

Thame

It’s got good bits, including an impressive Town Hall and some interesting old houses and pubs. Just too near Aylesbury for my liking

Thetford

The old town is nice, lots of flint. The encircling estates are hideous, like Norfolk version of Harlow. The good news is there’s a bypass

Thurrock

Hard to know where to start. Suffice to say that Grays is an integral part of it

Tipton

It’s in the West Midlands. So are Coventry and Birmingham. And Walsall and Wolverhampton, which will soon feel my wrath

Tonbridge

It’s in Kent

Tunbridge Wells

Also in Kent. It’s a nice town, very attractive, but full of stockbrokers. Also home to Angry of Tunbridge Wells, the much parodied writer of furious missives to the Daily Telegraph

Tynemouth

Only about 9 miles from Newcastle, but lacks the vibrancy of that city. Mind you, it also lacks the postclub Saturday night violence

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