Mainly on their swords. It’s been a good couple of weeks for this, with Pigshagger resigning instead of doing something to sort out the mess he created, and Gorge getting to grips with the idea that he’ll never have the coveted top seat at the Cabinet table.

Then we get the unctuous Stephen Crabb. If you’re not a Brit, you may not have heard of him, but he’s taken up where Odious left off, and during his tenure of the post of Secretary of State for Work and Pensions is doing his level best to screw everybody who’s poor. He came out of nowhere, pretty much, when he succeeded Odious back in March, and now he’s been found out being a scallywag.

He and his family (wife Beatrice Monnier and their two daughters) are in ‘lockdown’ having crisis talks about ‘Now what happens?’ Seems old Buster the Body Crab has been a bit of a jack the lad, and was sending sexually charged text messages to a woman in the run-up to the referendum.

So far, so ho-hum. I mean, that’s what politicians do, isn’t it? Always up for a bit of illicit rumpypumpy, and as far as we know there was no consummation of this relationship, so big deal.

Well, I’m pleased to relate it is a big deal. Firstly, and least importantly, you can’t trust a man who, in such a prominent public position, gets caught out. Don’t let him loose on any state secrets, eh?

Then we get to the nitty-gritty. He’s forever banging on (sorry, couldn’t resist it) about his devout Christianity. Why that should be a factor in his political life is beyond me, but there you go.

He also claims to be a strong advocate of family values, based on his beliefs. I imagine Beatrice and the unsuspecting daughters might be finding that claim to ring a bit hollow right now. We’ve no details of the other woman, beyond that she got really irritated by Buster’s hypocrisy.

I found that his bastion of Christian family values also opposed the laws on gay marriage, at which point all the respect for him (which was already nil) went over its overdraft limit.

I understand that men (and women) will play away from home. It’s what a lot of people do. I’m not condoning it, and I’m not criticising either. It’s just the way it is. However, if you’re going to be a godbothering family values man (why you need to be a Christian to have family values is also something that escapes me), keep it in your metaphorical trousers, or don’t get caught.

I await with glee his Icarus-like plunge to his doom. I’m sure it’s just coincidence this story broke during his contention for the head of the Tory Party.


And Leadsom went hara kiri