This is often my ground state, but every now and then I’ll find something and think, ‘I’m really not sure I believe that.’ I must, alas, turn to matters sexual now. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

While we keep being told that the Boomers are still randy as goats, drinking like fish, and snorting coke like they’re running out of time (they are), the Millennials are becoming Puritans. Allegedly. I suggest you take the research with a pinch of salt.

No longer getting drunk and high as young people traditionally do, 24% of them have turned their backs on the demon drink. But here’s the bit I’m not sure I believe. They’re not having sex.

It’s claimed that 15% of 18 to 25 year olds have never had a sexual partner; that’s one in six. Really? There’s a bit of empirical evidence this may be true, with teenage pregnancies at  an all time low. Eschewing sex all together though? Those figures are comparable with the official figures from the 1940s. Mind you, from what my mum used to tell me about her wartime exploits I don’t believe those statistics either.

Theories abound, but they are only theories, and if the figures are untrue then it’s hard to reach a conclusion either way. The one I’d favour if backed into a corner is the influence of social media. It’s easier to socialise remotely than face to face. Steven Tyler of the Gin Tub (see Friday’s post) must be facepalming in despair.

The theory is plausible if a bit shaky, since it fails to take into account that there’s a huge number of oldies on social media, yet they’re still at it like knives. Allegedly.

Now the revelation that one in four women are so embarrassed by their bodies they only make love in the dark. Four in ten think their partner wouldn’t find them as attractive if they were seen naked. There’s a clear mismatch here, isn’t there? I’ll let you work it out.

I might also point out that men aren’t as fussy about women as women think they are. As I’ve maybe told you, I had a girlfriend who made Olive Oyl look rubansesque, my wife was a mere five foot tall and 98 lbs, and I later had a long-term partner who was clinically obese.

I’m also a bit suspicious of the source of these ‘findings’, since the research was carried out by Weight Watchers. Now if the respondents were all members, that’s going to skew the result quite a lot isn’t it? All you could claim is that 25% of Weight Watchers members won’t get their jollies with the lights on. That’s not 25% of all women by a long shot.

Lastly, on a more lurid note, a Geneva business man apparently has plans to open a cafe in Paddington where punters can receive oral sex while having a coffee. They’re going to be issued with iPads so they can look at who’s available and ‘order’ them via an app. Of course, there’s an app. involved.

I’ll keep you updated on this sorry tale.

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