I’m not against philosophers and deep thinkers in general. Yes, at university I had a few run-ins with goatee-bearded, angst-ridden poseurs masquerading as philosophy students, but we need people to look at things on a less superficial level. Now and again we need some perspective.

Now and again though, this perspective turns into navelgazing of the highest order. I give you the most pretentious bollocks from the weekend, though as you’ll see that term may not be appropriate given the subject matter.

Most philosophers are interested in the big questions, the things that completely alter our world view, the mysteries of our metaphysical universe. However, this is not the sphere in which Alain de Botton was working last week.

I’ve heard of this man. He sounds as if he should be French, and given what he was banging on about he definitely should be, but he’s Swiss by origin. Here’s what he reckons.

Dick pics are apparently not ‘the height of idiotic self-regard and arrogance.’ I think, as I suspect you do, that he’s just plain wrong right out of the trap here, but I persevered.

No, dick pics, photos of your genitals that you send to people who may not necessarily want them, are not narcissistic preening or a way of frightening or disturbing the recipient at all. No sirreebob.

There are certain ‘benign’ aspects to this ridiculous behaviour, and even ‘important’ ones They might help us to shed light on what is essential to our sexuality and a desire for intimacy.

I was losing patience here, but I ploughed on. He then invoked a 1509 painting by Albrecht Durer. ‘… carefully details his penis to tell us something about what he is… To allow someone else to know him properly… Durer feels he must show himself fully and completely.

‘To make a dick pic isn’t typically about arrogance-it’s an exercise in vulnerability.’

Well some hapless teenager in her bedroom getting sent unsolicited dick pics by some hairyarsed plumber from Solihull is, I suggest to the ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the one who feels vulnerable.

Here’s a pic of the dick who came out with this twaddle.