Ever seen the film ‘Magnolia’? It came out in the late 90s, and starred Tom Cruise as an extremely seedy and unlikeable dating guru. He made his living convincing lots of ugly no-hopers that not only could they get laid, they had a right to get laid. It was all deeply unpleasant.

Then about three years ago, I posted about some numbnuts in the US who stupidly blogged about how to win over a woman. I personally was of the opinion he was talking out of his arse. See what you think.


This theme of how to get laid raises its head with monotonous regularity. If you Google ‘How to date women,’ as I just did in the interests of science, you’ll end up with a lot of reading, which you’ll have time for since you don’t have a sex life. Also by the time you’ve read all 412,000,000 hits, you may be too old to care.

I read the other day about a site called The Modern Man, but it might be more appropriate to rename it Dinosaurs Still Exist. Here’s one bit of advice from Dan Bacon, or Dan MCP as he’s known.

He suggests that you should approach women wearing headphones. ‘She will almost always be happy to take off her headphones to give you the opportunity to create a spark with her.’

I see three problems, maybe more. The first is that anybody wearing headphones is oblivious to the rest of the world, which is why they glare at you when you ask them to turn down the volume to reduce that irritating tsk tsk tsk boomer tsk tsk tsk noise. The second is that she’s more likely to take them off to tell you not to be a jerk. The third is that she may be using the headphones as a way of saying, ‘I’m not doing the conversation thing today.’

On that third point, as with all these gurus, MCP has a false sense of entitlement, and advises that men ‘do not allow women’ to ignore them. Women like men with a bit of confidence apparently.

That may be true, it may not be. What is true is that most women can spot a phoney as soon as he heaves into view. As a man, if you try to pose as something you aren’t, there’ll be a very quick cry of ‘Bullshit.’ Some women are attracted to bad lads, but none likes a liar.

I’m a little surprised that Mr MCP doesn’t just advocate the ‘club them on the head approach, and you won’t look like a deranged stalker.

I’ll leave you with some words of wisdom from one Martha Mills.

‘Anyway, coming soon from Dan Bacon, ‘How To Talk To A Woman Through A Fog Of Pepper Spray’. Probably.’