There’s a tenuous connection between this and Sunday’s post about ‘Deliciously Stella,’ and the post about Coco Chanel’s facial serum. It’s been a good week or two for charlatanry.

Right. Colours on the mast time. I really have no truck whatsoever with the current vogue for hygge. This is partly because of the sheer cussedness of its non-intuitive pronunciation. If you give a rat’s arse, it’s pronounce hooga. Or hue-ga. Opinions are divided, the jury is still out.

It’s a Danish concept, and roughly the idea is ‘living cosily.’ This might involve, for example, wearing warm woolly socks in front of the fire on a winter’s night. Well, who’d have thought that might make you feel better about life? A true revelation there.

Other things hygge. Dinner with friends. No kidding? As opposed to that jerk who keyed your car, or the local skank, I assume? Candles, or stearinlys. The Danes are the biggest consumers of candles in the known universe.

I could go on, but I shan’t, because it clearly makes not a shred of difference. It’s claimed the Danes are the most contented nation on earth, but that’s a bit misleading. The Scandimark countries tend to have a few issues. Denmark has a very high suicide rate, and is one of the leading consumers of antidepressants. Lundbeck, the big pharma company based just outside Copenhagen, has a real flair for researching this field, I guess because they have a strong domestic consumer base.

Asked to explain this disparity, some Viking propellorhead pontificated, ‘When you’re surrounded by happiness, being unhappy is harder on you.’ I’ll let you navigate your own safe passage through that particular ontological minefield.

What this really is, it seems to me, is yet another head to the ferociously active Hydra that is wellness. The adherents of the idea of wellness have a remarkably ragbag approach to the concept. They can always find this week’s big trend and shoehorn it in somewhere, though in the case of ozone enemas or vaginal steam cleaning that may be an inappropriate metaphor.

Wellness is now worth something in the region of three times the global pharma market. There’s a lot of dosh out there to be made from gullible nincompoops if you have a mind to do it.

You can already buy special hygge candles for 25 quid a pop. Spending that sort of wedge on a candle is not going to relax me, I can tell you. I expect even as we speak some hipster company in Whitechapel is planning to launch a special range of hand crafted hygge socks made from wool that’s sourced from organically farmed sheep. Those won’t be expensive, will they?

Right, I’m done ranting for now.

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