Well, whoever would have thought it? In the UK there’s an organisation called YouGov, and it specialises in online surveys of the public’s attitudes to different subjects. They’re one of the many outfits that routinely make a cockup in the run-up to General Elections, the Referendum, you know, all the important stuff.

The good news is that they aren’t at all po faced, and have carried out one of those surveys that make you wonder if anybody else would ever get the funding for. They had a shufti at people’s sexual preferences according to their political leanings. The original results date back to 2004, but there has been a recent re-analysis. This is a hoot, not least because of reinforcement of some stereotypes. Those of a sensitive disposition may wish to stop reading now.

When asked about what sexual fantasies they had, the Toffs were a bit unimaginative. The best (ie the only statistically significant) reply was ‘sex with a sportsperson.’ I wanted a bit more detail. Just who would a Toff like to get it on with? I think an opportunity was missed here.

UKIP members (sorry) were also a bit limited. There only significant preference was to use a dildo or a vibrator. Pretty humdrum stuff.

The Lib Dems, with a bit more time on their hands, as it were, opted for: sex with somebody of a different ethnicity; watching somebody pleasuring themselves; sex with a transgender; filming themselves having sex; and bondage. I really don’t want to think about Nick Clegg at this point.

Meanwhile Labour were in power at the time of the survey, and it’s not surprising they took their eye off the ball. They were too busy bonking to win 2010 (as indeed were the Lib Dems). Bringing a whole new meaning to the term ‘reds under the bed,’ we are told they favour the following fantasies. Outdoor sex; sex with a stranger (most of the Shadow Cabinet are a bit strange); sex with a movie or television star. They got a bit cuddlywuddly with ‘passionate kissing,’ then got back into the swingers of things. Role play (they’re practising this by playing at being an effective Opposition); spanking, something I suspected would have scored more highly among the Toffs; wearing sexy outfits. Lastly oral sex, but since they’re all for equal opportunities this was for both giving and receiving.

I’ll never look at Jeremy Corbyn in the same light.