Bit of an odd one this, coming about as it did by sheer happenstance. I collected a small bunch of xenomorphs in the space of a couple of days.

A bit of history about my collection of alien lifeforms. Back in the 70s, any undergraduate worth his salt could do a passable imitation of one of The Clangers, little stop motion animated figures from the eponymous television show. However, my friend Mike could, when under the influence of beer, do a riveting version of the Soup Dragon. This is trickier than it sounds, as it entails mumbling nonsense while sounding as if you’re gargling.

I recently discovered that The Legendary Stuart, the penguin-picking-up Voldemort lookalike, can do an uncanny impression of Chewbacca. Benedict Cumberbatch is famous for doing this, but Stuart is a wizard, in another league completely. He can change the sound according to what he’s trying to express just as Chewie could; his confused wookie is brilliant. But here’s the clincher for me. If you haven’t heard The Legend imitating a wookie imitating a passing racing car, you really haven’t lived.

He was demonstrating his abilities where he works, and also present was a group of Americans. I hold most of the Americans I have met in very high regard indeed, but one of this group was one of those unfortunate stereotypes who wants the entire world to know he’s talking. You know, the sort of person who doesn’t need a mobile phone, they just lean out of the window. However, what made it even more grating was he sounded exactly like Kermit. I think for the purposes of this blog we can say Kermit is a xenomorph.

We move now to my acquaintance Hippo. He’s a man of an unexpected abilities in the mimicry field too. Over the weekend I found out that he can imitate an alien. Not the Alien. Anybody can do not. This was altogether more unsettling.

I was sitting reading my newspaper, pondering the mysteries of the Universe, and generally being oblivious. He came and sat at the same table as me, and I hardly noticed he arrived to be honest. I sure sat up and took notice when he leaned towards me and made a noise like the alien huntsman in Predator.

By the way, my ex-wife did a stunning impression of that odd ascending glissando squeaky noise that guinea pigs make. Just saying.

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