You know me. It’s not often I’m lost for words. I can generally come up with a swift retort when somebody is being more than usually dumb and making me cross.

However, now and again I need to doff my hat to a superior talent, and one hove onto my radar this week. An internet acquaintance has to attend a clinic on a regular basis for some dreadful scourge. She rocked up earlier this week for an infusion. I’ll let her tell the tale; this is from her FB page, so it’s no secret.

“I entered the elevator with another woman. On the way up, she sneezed. When the elevator doors opened she turned to me and said,

‘You were very rude.’

“Excuse me?” I replied.

‘You didn’t God-Bless-Me when I sneezed,’ she huffily informed me.

‘You just thoughtlessly expelled your germs into the air of an enclosed elevator at a medical clinic with an individual with a compromised immune system and you want me to bless you? Are you really that ignorant to think that evil spirits can enter your body after a sneeze, or are you so discourteous that you can’t cover your mouth, or are you just channelling your inner bitch?’ I stood there glaring at her.

For a moment, I thought she was going to deck me. She stood there processing what I said, then she broke eye-contact first. I walked passed her to the appointment desk.”

That’s Olympic standard  face-to-face trolling. If you’re going to cut people down to size, do it with panache.