Disheartened after the bitter firefight in the US on Wednesday night, I went on a hunt for some light relief.

Firstly, we had the death of Valerie Hunter Gordon, aged 94. No rejoicing at her demise, you understand, but many millions of mothers around the world owe her a debt of gratitude. She invented the disposable nappy (diaper). She made them originally from parachute silk, tissue, and cotton wool. One of those things that you wondered how they got invented, and now you know.

Kumbuka the gorilla was back in the news this morning. This is the naughty rascal who escaped his enclosure in London Zoo a few days ago. Seems that on his little jaunt he got into a staffroom, and drank five litres of undiluted blackcurrant squash. Yikes! He sure knows how to have a good time.

Please note. I don’t really have any interest in your views on the rights or wrongs of zoos.

Still on the animal front. Some fellow Lancastrian claims to have developed the first new breed of hen in 90 years. The Oakworth is a reliable source of brown eggs, which of course weak minded folk will pay more for than white eggs. Sounds like a winner.

This probably belongs in the ‘How to have more money than sense’ camp. Remember when all you needed to know if your dog was happy was a clear sight of its tail? Tail wagging=happy mutt, pretty much.

Not good enough, so Joji Yamaguchi has invented something to ‘enrich your dog-life quality.’ That’s a phrase that made me want to inflict physical harm on him. This life enriching invention is a ‘dog mental visualiser,’ which phrase also moves me to violence. Anyway, the Inupathy (Aaaaaarrrrggggh!) dog collar lights up when your dog is pleased with things, or chillin’, or excited. Naturally there’s a smartphone app to help you track your dog’s mood, and it will even suggest games to play with the pooch ‘based on the app’s assessment of your current relationship with the dog.’ What is that supposed to mean?

Then what passes for a joke in Toff circles. Peter Bone, the MP for Wellingborough, was treated to some mild smut from Posh Shoes when she said, a propos his birthday, that she hoped, ‘Mrs Bone is going to treat the occasion in an appropriate manner.’ Cue howls of mirth from the government benches.

The Speaker called for order. ‘I want to hear what’s coming!’ I’ll let you work out what one wag replied to that one.

These people are running the country

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