Just a short one today, but there’s a bit more if you follow the link. I know, I know, it’s cheating, yada yada yada.

Some time ago I was toying with noms de plume I could use as the author of my detective novel. My real name is OK but isn’t really kickarse enough. I just generated names pretty much at random, and finally settled (just about) on Brad Gritstone.


Sometimes life imitates art, and you hear a name that makes you think, ‘You could go places with a name like that.’ You hear it and start speculating. Thus it was when my mate Mark mentioned somebody he works with. His colleague is called Marlon Sanchez.

That’s really rather splendid, isn’t it? Marlon Sanchez. I know what he actually does for a living, but got to wondering what he might do for a living. As ever, things got out of hand a bit. They do when I’m rambling.

Give him a droopy Herpes-Owners’-Club moustache and a leather waistcoat, he could easily be a porn star, couldn’t he? It has a real porn ring about it, I feel. ‘Marlon Sanchez IS The Donkeyman.’

Still on the cinema theme. Marlon Sanchez could be one of those actors you’ve never heard of in the straight-to-video action films that appear on obscure satellite channels at equally obscure times of night. ‘Starring MARLON SANCHEZ!’ at which point you go Who?

Could be a sportsperson of the American persuasion. NFL quarterback, maybe? NASCAR? (And don’t mock that suggestion. Back in the 80s there was a rookie Winston Cup driver called Reuben Garcia. NASCAR isn’t completely the domain of the Lee Roy Fuckwits of this world.) Free diving? Surfing?

How about a shark wrangler? That’s a true profession, and with Marlon you’d get a proper ‘Crazy name. Crazy guy’ concordance.

I bet you’re all agog to know what he really does, aren’t you? Prepare to be dismayed. He’s a coordinator overseeing aircraft inspection and maintenance. I think he’s missed some opportunities myself.