Christmas Eve. What a wonderful day to be alive. Because tomorrow it’s Christmas Day, then it’s all over for another year. Huzzah!

One thing I shall be particularly grateful for is the end of the bloody irritating Marks and Spencer ads. Like all Christmas ads, these are annoying in and of themselves, but doubly annoying because of the jingle music. This is based on the opening notes of Real Love by Clean Bandit. I happen to not mind the band (the departure of Jess Glynne was a sad day for me though), but bloody hell there’s a limit to how many times you can hear those notes. Clean Bandit are unnaturally popular as a source of music for advertisements. Their royalties must be through the roof.

We shall also be able to welcome the disappearance of Christmas jumpers. This affectation has turned into a huge commercial operation. Whereas once you only wore a Christmas jumper on Christmas Day when your gran gave it to you, there’s actually a ‘Wear a Christmas Jumper Day.’ That was last week some time. Definitely a bad idea. How much money was frittered away on that?

What else can we look forward to? The disappearance of mince pies and selection boxes from the supermarket shelves, and the return of things you actually need rather than what is being foisted upon you. There’s a post tomorrow about things you might need to have for Christmas Day. I doubt anybodywillbereadingme, but there ya go.

The cessation of the outings by part-time drinkers. That has to be glad tidings, doesn’t it? No more Prosecco-fuelled WAGS, no more yobby blokes full to the brim with beer and tequila slammers, no louty shouting at the dead of night disturbing my already fragile sleep.

Goodbye also to the tacky Christmas films cluttering up the channels. Guess what, schedulers? I don’t want to watch The Grinch, nor Bad Santa. Think I haven’t already seen Home Alone? Think again. Ditto It’s a Wonderful Life. Miracle on 34th St. I might just rewatch Die Hard, but that’s my limit.

As for any programme calling itself as ‘Christma Special,’ and ‘starring’ a bunch of B listers, you can keep that too. And the bloody trampolining badgers.

Bah! Humbug! I hope you have a good day though.