Wellie well well. St Theresa of the Shoes has had a pretty easy ride from the media, but the honeymoon period may be drawing to a somewhat belated close.

For those of you in the US who are still reeling from TFF’s victory and vigorous work on reducing the proles to indentured slaves and women to baby factories, I need to tell you things could have been worse. Back in June a British submarine test fired a Trident missile off the coast of Florida. It all went tits up, and instead of heading for the seas off Africa it executed a smart 1800 turn and started heading for the Land of the Once Free. It had to be blown up midflight.

Now as it happens this was at about the time that Goody Two Shoes was exhorting MPs to back a £30 odd billion replacement programme for our ageing sub fleet, and not unnaturally when the story broke some days ago, people went, ‘Did she know?’

Andrew Marr, a political commentator and interviewer of some considerable stature, tried to get an answer out of her on Sunday. Like most politicians, she wriggles like a gaffed fish when asked something she doesn’t want to answer, but this was a heroic piece of dissemblance. Here’s a transcript of the interview, or the relevant bit of it.

‘When you made that speech in the House of Commons about our Trident nuclear defence, did you know that misfire had happened?’

‘Well (a word that’s usually what gamblers call a ‘tell’) I have complete faith in our Trident missiles. When I made that speech… what we were talking about was whether or not we should renew our Trident missiles.’

‘Did you know that it had happened?’

‘I think we should play our role in Nato and have an independent nuclear deterrent. Jeremy Corbyn thinks differently. Jeremy Corbyn thinks we shouldn’t defend our country.’

That’s a blatant lie, but we’ll let it go, because the point is that the actions of a true blackguard are always to try to tarnish the reputation of opposers.

‘Prime Minister, did you know?’

‘There are tests that take place all the time, regularly, for our nuclear deterrent.’

Marr waved a white flag.

‘I’m not going to get an answer.’

It turns out that, as you may have guessed, she did know. But this news was rather snowed under by the latest health scare, which looked suspiciously like the old trick of using one story to deflect attention away from another, something politicians are also adept at.

Did you know that dark brown toast, dark roast tatties, and crispy chips cause cancer? You’ didn’t? Well the good people at the Food Standards Agency didn’t and still don’t, but it didn’t stop them putting out some spurious recommendations in the complete absence of any human data.

PS The Ministry of Defence pulled up the drawbridge and refused to comment, though they did release details of seven previous successful tests. What the hell they’re to do with us nearly flattening a huge swathe of Florida is anybody’s guess.

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