I’m not referring to my occasional mental meltdowns in the CoOp, you’ll be reassured to learn. No, this is about being unable to control my laughter while reading.
As you know, I read a lot of newspapers. I’m an i reader by inclination (after many years as a Guardian reader), so you might well understand that I’m not an avid fan of The Times. It’s well written and edited, but the political leaning to the right is a bit much for me to take, though I do peruse it in the interests of balance. Then I decide the journalists are wrong.
I do however like the section Times2, though there is an annoying emphasis on this week’s continuously shifting must-have fashion, and some extraordinarily pretentious recipes containing ingredients that can only be obtained from virgin llamas, or some plant that only grows in the Galapagos Islands.
The film reviewers are excellent though, and they’re not afraid to stick a shiv between the ribs of currently fashionable cinematic offerings. La La Land got a serious going over this week, and they weren’t to fond of T2 Trainspotting either. I’ve not seen either yet, so I’ll reserve judgement.
But the highlight of the week in Times2 is the column by Caitlin Moran, entitled Celebrity Watch. This is a startlingly funny take on the Hello! School of journalism in which she rips the mickey out of people who are famous largely for being famous. All the usual suspects are there. Lardarse gets a regular pound, as does Kanye West, the Beckhams are never safe, most of Hollywood has popped up at some time… The list goes on.
This week she excelled herself with a go at Roberto Esquival Cabrera. Never hear of him? You don’t read enough newspapers. Senor Cabrera apparently has the world’s largest penis, and Caitlin Moran really went to town on this one.
‘…dealing with something that banged on his shin like some mad wanger-clacker. Every morning Cabrera wraps his “colossal member” in special bandages to “escape chafing.”- imagine a single mad leg-warmer.’
She even, of course, managed to shoehorn in (see what I did there?) a reference to TFF.
Then there’s the current trend for people to over extol the virtues of their offspring, and she doesn’t approve. Prompted by a quote from Claudia Winkleman about her own children, CW went off on one bigly.
‘Yet when you meet these kids they just seem like the same shouty idiot bag of hair you were at their age.’
You’ll have got some idea by now of this woman’s style of writing, and I admire it hugely. I can be a bit of a sarky bastard on occasion, but I’d give bodyparts to write like she does.
PS I’m forever grateful to CW for drawing to my attention the time when Gwyneth Paltrow consciously uncoupled from her sanity and advocated vaginal steam cleaning.