For some reason way back when I once blogged about how not to be killed by a zombie.

Also for some reason, I had never seen the film Resident Evil. I was of the understanding that this is very highly regarded by fans of the undead, and I happened to catch it a couple of nights ago. It was terrible. Truly terrible.

All the tropes were there. Group of brave young military people attempting to combat the outbreak of zombiedom. This group acquires the traditional hot kickarse heroine swanning about in not much clothing and biker boots. The men are identikit, lean muscled, chisel jawed, and battle hardened. You know this isn’t going to help at least some of them. They’re going to end up moaning a lot and eating each other. It always happens like that.

I need hardly add that the zombiefication has arisen from an accident in a lab (the unlikely sounding Hive) which is part of a weapons manufacturer of shady provenance and immense influence and power. Completely untouchable by the authorities. They developed a virus that turned all their scientists into zombies when a vial of the virus was broken by a bad guy who took to his heels and sealed the facility so there’d be no witnesses. You know the score.

On the topic of bad guys, you just know one of the group is a traitor, a plant from the weapons manufacturer, who is intent on making sure our plucky adventurers do manage to find and use the antivirus that was also developed. I didn’t mention about the antivirus, but you’re all smart, you just knew there had to be one.

Then there’s the inevitable flak-jacketed plucky woman who gets bitten but has late onset of symptoms. She doesn’t get them right up to the very minute she’s about to receive the antidote, then Tadaaaa! She goes batshit with bloodlust. As you might have guessed, the first person she takes out is the villainous traitor.

Complete tosh. And here’s a question for you. Surely the best thing to do with a zombie outbreak is to just let things burn themselves out? Since they only eat human flesh, they’d run out of food and starve themselves to undeath.