I’ve mentioned before that every decent pub has a resident bore. I also pointed out that if you can’t identify the one in your pub, it may be you. I’m just saying. 🙂

Similarly every decent pub has its resident fuckwit. This is the guy who’s off his face by 12:30 PM, gets chucked out, falls in a flowerbed, has to be hauled back to his feet, then goes elsewhere to make a bloody nuisance of himself. He’s hampered in this by now only being able to speak what sounds like Esperanto or Polish.

I was talking about this phenomenon a day or so ago with a mate, and we got onto the idea that every circle of male friends/mates has a resident idiot. This goes right the way back to school. When I was at secondary school, there was a group of about eight of us who did everything together, and one of us was an idiot. One of those people who make you roll your eyes and go, ‘OFFS!’ But he was part of the group. He belonged.

I think this is a blokey thing. Girls/women tend to turn on other girls/women whom they find annoying in a way that blokes don’t. Because here’s the thing. A circle of blokes may despair of the idiot in their midst, but they’re fiercely loyal. He may well be an idiot, but he’s our idiot. Attack at your peril, because we’ve got his back covered.

My mate has an idiot friend whom he has known for over 40 years. This bloke is an unreconstructed misogynist. He was one of the first on the case of Lady Gaga’s (barely detectable) belly during her Superbowl performance. He’s been known to say to women, ‘Come on girls, admit, blokes don’t fancy you when you put on weight.’ I disagree with him on that, but that’s what he believes.

I asked my mate if his tame idiot was god’s gift to the opposite sex. Apparently not. Far from it. That however doesn’t stop him from criticising women who ‘have ‘let themselves go a bit.’

I asked my mate why he continued to even talk to this idiot. He responded exactly as I knew he would.

‘I’ve known him 42 years, right from school. He’s an idiot, but he’s my idiot. And most of his other mates have the same sorts of views as he does. I’m the only one to pull him up on things.’

I bet they support the same football team too. That goes a long way apparently.