Over the past couple of days, over 360 kg of coke has washed up on beaches at Hopton on Sea and Caister on Sea in the rather sleepy county of Norfolk. I quite like Caister, but it isn’t very exciting. It’s like Maidstone is at Christmas, a graveyard with fairylights.

Matthew Rivers of the National Crime Agency, said ’We… are working to establish how the bags ended up where they did. However, it is extremely unlikely that this was their intended destination.’


The italics are mine. The understatement is a true masterpiece of deadpan humour, because I’m sure that Mr Rivers had his tongue firmly planted in his cheek. I reckon it’s a dead cert this is not where the coke was supposed to be, given that it’s worth about £50m on the open market. Hence, ‘This is obviously a substantial seizure of class A drugs, and its loss will prove a major blow to the criminals involved.’ You could put it like that.

Somewhere in the world there’s a bunch of terrified mules desperately seeking plastic surgery, and false passports and documentation, because their bosses are going to be very very displeased with them. Druglords aren’t noted for their ‘Oh well, you know, these things happen. Better luck next time eh?’ insouciant-shrug approach to life are they? We also don’t know if the mules drowned during the presumed sinking or swamping, but that might have been better than facing the music, don’t you think? Better than being fed to the pigs by a long chalk.

Then Supt Dave Buckley of Norfolk’s Finest chipped in. ‘While we believe we have recovered all the packages, should any member of the public find one they’re urged to contact the police immediately.’

Dave, that might not go to plan either, you know. I bet the roads to Hopton and Caister are rammed with Porsches containing stripey-shirted cityboys hopeful of finding paydirt on the North Sea coast. I doubt they’ll be too interested in the cops except in avoiding them. Even Joe Public might be tempted to keep a little for either personal use or as a source of a bit of bunce money.

Still, hope springs eternal.