This story broke in the very week that saw Valentine’s Day. How appropriate. Either that or a clever setup. Either way it’s funny.

Here’s the deal. One Ms Lucy Brown went on a date with a man she’d met through a dating site called Plenty of Fish. I have to say that sounds a bit of a shifty one, but there again all dating sites sound a bit shifty, don’t they?

Now this was not a high end date. No night on the razz in the West End, or a trip to the ballet or opera. They met in a pub in Clapham. I like Clapham, and it’s not exactly cheap since it moved upmarket, but you’re not going home broke from a date in a pub are you?

Apparently, the prospective beau was, and did. After the night out, Ms Brown sent a very polite message to her ‘normal and sweet’ date saying thanks but no thanks. That’s fair enough isn’t it? Yes, we’ve met, but it’s not going anywhere. I suspect most people have had this happen. I know I have.

However, and this is a VERY BIG however. At no point have I then invoiced my dumper for the evening out. If you shell out money and it all goes Pete Tong, you chalk it up to experience, surely? Not this guy. He sent her a bill for 85 quid. I did say Clapham is pricey, so 85 smackers in the pub is quite normal, but it’s not a pirate’s ransom exactly, is it?

The ‘devastated’ suitor went further. He said he didn’t want back the watch he had lent her no, I don’t know the circumstances before you ask) since ‘it would be too painful to receive the watch in the post and remind me of you.’ Then he told her it had cost him 20 Euros.

I’m pleased to relate Ms Brown behaved with a great deal of poise. Instead of telling him what a whining loser he was and to just get lost, she sent him £42.50, and donated the same amount to a donkey sanctuary. At this point you’d think he might be getting the point, but alas no.

‘I feel like the donkey sanctuary has come out better from this situation.’

Ms Brown was now reaching her endgame, and sent back a one-word text.

‘Eeyore.’

Genius. Pure genius.

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